Jackass friend

I always told you,
I'd understand,
But you walked away,
For reasons,
I still don't know,
And probably won't comprehend,
What is it this time?
Weren't you always happy?
Maybe we went overboard,
But that was more on your part,
Than on mine, you see,
I don't get why you return,
To that existence,
The way you do,
I'm tired to be honest,
Not of the friendship,
But of your attitude.

~Rei Shiori

Touch me before I die

Touch,
If it will erase,
All the pain,
And tortured memories,
Of this hell,
And poison-laced,
Thoughts of death,
Then touch me,
Because I cannot see,
Anything other than,
This cup of hemlock,
Shimmering before me.

~Rei Shiori

Deadlines

Being harried,
The endless rushing,
Blood to my brain,
Amplifying the pounding,
Increasing the strain,
Countless worries,
Problems abound,
I want to rest,
But these things,
Won't let me lie down!

~Rei Shiori

When you disappeared

I thought you'd never go away,
Always being by my side,
As I slept,
In the shadows of your back,
Warm against you,
While outside it rained,
Cold,
But I woke up at dawn,
And you weren't there today,
Gone,
Where?
I can't remember,
Above the sound of my own pain.

~Rei Shiori

When I'm doing assignments =.="

Are we entering the lion's den?
I don't remember much,
My eyes blinded,
Full of sand,
Tears and blood,
I feel the grit of them,
Running on my skin,
How long more till,
This torture ends?

~Rei Shiori

Separated sisters

Is there a time when I,
Didn't know you?
Palm to palm,
We were mirrors,
Closer knit than sisters,
You were my shadow,
Across the coolness,
Of this veil between us.

~Rei Shiori

Waiting fear

Daybreak,
We sit quietly,
Gnawing,
On the insides of our cheeks,
And lips that bleed raw,
Will it come to pass?
What we fear?
Nothing we can do,
Wait,
Till nightfall comes,
Intimately.

~Rei Shiori

Bird talk

If your wings were so small,
What would you do?
You cannot fly,
So what do you do,
With a caged bird's life?

~Rei Shiori

The girl he bought - Part 2

The cutting began when she was twelve. Hiding behind the curtains, she would slip the penknife from her jeans pocket and press it. Once. Twice. Each time harder than the last. And the tears would fall hot and fast. They would sting the cuts just like she knew they would. It was a habit. 

Gradually people came to realise that the lines weren’t accidents. She had to change her playground. That was the reason why she never wore short skirts. People would see. People would talk. But it took her years to figure out that no matter what she did or where she went, people would find out about her past. People would still talk. Ann-Laurie’s daughter. The one that was sold to a man three times her age in exchange for drugs. She cursed her looks and broke the mirrors. But after they sent her for psychiatric help, she found another way to vent her pain without drawing attention. Nobody knew any better. 

She tortured herself with the images, those rough hands on her, that weight that dragged her down, body and soul. She knew she’d be tainted forever from his actions. From the action of her bitch of a mother. She cursed her in her heart, and when she wearied of that blood-red anger pulsing through her filthy blood, she gave up and let the tears come as they had the first time he took her. 

Bought. The embarrassment of it all, the shame, and to think it was all over the papers. Small town, everyone knew. Ann-Laurie’s daughter. She would never be able to run away from it all. Someone would inevitably come from somewhere in her dark past and ruin it all for her. They’d meet her in the diner, the mall, the street, all while she would be holding on to the pieces of a life that seemed too good to be true, and they’d shatter it all. 

Just. 

Like. 

That. 

She had lost more than five boyfriends that way and countless friends, changed jobs and cities and still it hounded her. There just had to be one accursed nosy neighbour who knew. And the threatening clouds would always come. She breathed a sigh as she watched Matt sleep. Eventually he would find out all of the truth. They always do.

~Rei Shiori

The girl he bought - Part 1

There was a fragile kind of beauty about her, Matt decided as he watched her tip-toeing around his prone form draped across the battered leather couch they owned. Her hair, wet with rain that pattered continually outside their three room apartment and clanging noisily around in the gutters was a deep, warm amber hue that changed as she moved, the tendrils of it sticking to the sharp planes of her cheekbones that people sometimes said were signs of anorexia. 

He was supposed to be asleep or so she thought. He continued to watch her from beneath half closed eyelids that hid those hazel brown eyes she said were the colour of her first pet cat’s eyes. He wasn’t sure if she was complimenting him considering that the cat itself was the most precious thing in her life till it conked off five years back. That was when she met him. That was also when he realized that she was beautiful. Despite the scars that ran along the insides of her thighs and the brutal marks that scored her lower back. He could feel every one of them each time he helped her undress in the dark. The smoothness of her shoulder blades as he slipped off her favourite coat and thin work shirt. The sigh of his hands, his rougher skin rasping against the softness of hers. Till he reached that hollow. The ridges of the scars bit into his palms and he would wince. Thankfully in the dark. It did not disgust him the way it did her exes. With the touch of the scars, there came a quiet sorrow, almost mourning. For innocence lost. And he would draw the folds of her shirt away from her back as if they remnants of her past still bled crimson into the gossamer fabric. 

They would go to bed, together, as they did for five years now. And he would make a pillow of her hair. Breathing in the scent of her. The smell of the diner’s across the street tinged with the shampoo she used earlier that morning. Always that sweet musky scent that relaxed his muscles till he fell asleep, dreaming of looking into her eyes across the diner’s red check tablecloth and seeing her drowning in her dreams. He would clutch her tighter to him and she would mumble quietly in her sleep. By morning, everything would be forgotten. Except the scars.

~Rei Shiori

Echoes of the Past

She runs back to the past,
But the towers are crumbling,
The memories,
They fade fast,
Every step turns to mist,
Every breath gone in the wind,
The ground beneath,
Where has it gone?
The bluebird's song?
Only the echoes stay on.

~Rei Shiori

Me and my God

The injustice of it all,
Separation of a 'family'?
And we say it is acceptance and love?
ROT,
What I believe,
How I believe,
Do they think they,
With their high hats,
And purity,
Priestly robes,
And lectures on how matrimony,
Should be kept holy,
Should be between members,
Of an in-group only,
BLIND!!
I say it is so,
Without fear of retribution,
I would not fight my own God,
Who has been with me all the years,
But isn't it He,
Who brought me to existence,
Who made it possible for me to be?
From parents,
Unbelieving and practicing devoutly,
Different worlds,
Sometimes complaining,
Perhaps long-suffering,
But then again,
Without them together,
Where would I be?
Am I as they say,
In their myriad rules and laws,
And cartloads of words,
The many speeches,
OF HOW IT IS A SIN TO MARRY ANY OTHER,
THAN THOSE WITHIN THE CHURCH!!
Am I the product of an union not blessed by God?
I object,
Not out of anger for my God,
Not out of rebellion against my religion,
Twenty one years,
I lived in the shadows of the church,
Until I found bullying and hatred,
As rampant within as without,
And my fellow brothers and sisters,
Are the ones,
Who drove me out,
With their poisoned words,
And flirtatious ways,
They preach,
And then they break every single thing they said,
Still I believed,
In my God,
Because He could not be wrong,
Man was wrong,
And I was not strong enough,
To remain,
Every prayer laboured from the heart to the lips,
"God, why are they like this?"
Love is the gospel,
But look at how they treat others and me,
What difference does a single tree make in a storm?
None,
So here I am today,
Driven further and further away,
From that which once tethered me,
To serving amongst them,
And they dare question my faith?
They who drove me away in the first place?
I found solace in places they would have abhorred,
But I am me,
And this life of mine,
Is between ME and MY GOD.

~Rei Shiori

Fly

Clipped wings,
Still they touch the sky,
In dreams,
And long ago memories,
Moonlit nights,
These cut pinions,
Raise to the sky,
And a weary throat,
Raises a plaintive cry,
For the wings that will never again,
Fly.

~Rei Shiori

Still the victim

In the end she was a wreck,
Drowned in tears,
Hurt and broken,
But still the one receiving,
All the crap.

~Rei Shiori

Valentine's

The comfortable silence,
Comes creeping in,
Between tangled sheets,
And the slowing breathes,
Echoes of laughter,
And tickled humour,
We stare at the ceiling,
Together,
Watching the lights outside,
Of couples celebrating Valentine's.

~Rei Shiori

A year already

That old flame,
Dying down a little,
Into an amber glow,
Still there,
Just not,
For show,
And the anticipation,
That used to accompany those days,
Became a familiar warmth,
Has it been a year already?
Time passes by fast,
It seemed like yesterday,
When we still blushed,
As we kissed goodnight.

~Rei Shiori

Passing on

In the quiet bedside,
Hidden in the swaths,
Of memories,
And final dreams,
Breathing laboured,
Passing on,
Is it as it seems?
How long would you want to live,
Prolonging agony,
Or would you beg for that,
Elixir of life,
Immortality?
Never to die,
Never to fade,
But these fancy wishes and dreams,
Are as they claim,
Hollow echoes and fairy dust.

~Rei Shiori

Your words

Words,
Which once were everything to me,
Now so empty,
Meaningless,
I read,
Your handwriting,
Childish as ever,
Have you not grown up?
I don't miss you anymore,
It's been so many years,
Your voice,
Holds no sway over me.

~Rei Shiori

Futile apologies

Your apologies,
Years too late,
Echo hollowly,
Like an empty rusted can,
Rolling down the deserted sidewalk,
What did you hope to accomplish?
I have lost all love for you,
The moment you turned away,
Fade back into history,
I recognize you,
No more.

~Rei Shiori

Summer heat

So what do we do now?
The endless skies,
Tinged in its perpetual blue,
They wrap around us,
In unending heat,
While cats laze,
Far away from the glare,
With lolling tongues,
They breathe,
The same,
Hot, humid air,
So what do we do now?
Caught in the blaze of summer heat.

~Rei Shiori

Ironic pleasure

Ironic,
How it should be,
That years later we meet,
And I,
Can hold my head higher,
Than you can ever see,
Your eyes,
They don't even dare to meet,
Is this guilt?
My pleasure in it,
Is indeed sweet.

~Rei Shiori

New Year

The night,
Awash in fiery wheels,
And flaming sparks,
The noise of it all,
Booming,
Resonating deeper,
And further than the stars,
It's a new year.

~Rei Shiori

Black and White

In the darkness,
Things don't lie,
Black is black,
No other reasons why,
White,
A dreary hypocritical hue,
Tells you what to be,
But not how to do,
Don't judge the darkness,
Before the light,
Only remember,
Shadows appear,
When dawn holds as its captive,
Night.

~Rei Shiori

The other side of Midnight

Be my anchor be my anchor,

But don’t drag me down,

Don’t pull my feet,

Below ground,

Be my anchor be my anchor,

Keep me firm when I fall,

Don’t let me make a sound,

I don’t want to fall,

I don’t want to be the weakling,

Cross the seven seas,

You’ll be the reason I still breathe,

Through stormy dusks,

And silent nights,

You’ll keep me close,

While in my mind I hide,

Don’t stray don’t stray,

You tell me as I sway,

Bridges burning,

But we’ll be alright,

We’ll sail away,

Under painted skies,

On and on until we reach,

The other side of midnight.

~Rei Shiori

Writing in loneliness

The relentless scratching,
Pen against paper,
The ink,
Bleeding black and blue,
Thoughts as foreign,
As the trees that died,
To breathe life,
Into a troubled mind's creativity,
Spent,
On lines,
As thick as rivers of emotions,
And feather thin,
As the quiet sobbing,
Of a lonely soul.

~Rei Shiori

The folly of growing up

When did we evolve,
From skinned knees,
To bruised hearts,
And battered faces?
Worn with care,
The skin that used to be so soft,
Now roughened,
By worries,
Life's wear and tear,
Hair that we left long,
In the hopes of being Disney princesses,
Cut shorter,
Sharper,
And our daydreams?
Gone,
Evaporated into thin air,
When did we begin to replace,
The dolls and toys,
That every day without fail,
We used to caress,
And in its place,
The smooth warmth,
Of another human being,
Side by side,
Lying,
Beds that used to fit just one,
Now have become a nest,
Of passionate kisses and whispers,
Of a hundred secret and,
Forbidden things,
That linger till the afternoon sun,
Comes in uninvited,
But until then,
We stay entwined,
As one,
Where childish bodies used to play,
Are now mere echoes of laughter,
The deeper moans of ecstasy,
Replaced by groans,
That in public remain mute,
Never outwardly uttered,
When did we change,
To be who we were not,
And drowned ourselves,
In endless dramas and reckless escapades,
Our imaginary friends,
Turned to drink and late night dates,
With people we don't even know,
And some that we even hate,
Morning comes,
Hungover,
And realization as ever,
Arrives late.

~Rei Shiori

We're all damaged

I'd love you forever if you let me,
Till the nights grew colder,
And you began to ache,
I'd love you still,
Even when the pain whipped down,
And you cried out,
Till your mind gave way,
Even when I see the scars,
On your skin,
They break,
Who can escape?
Little mortals,
We, who think the summer lasts,
When it was barely longer than a day,
We're all a little more broken,
Than anyone will ever know,
I'd love you forever still,
Because you loved me,
Who was damaged.

~Rei Shiori

21

Today will not come again,
And neither will all the yesterdays,
I was two,
It seemed only hours ago,
And today,
I spend my hours,
My life from day to day,
No longer a girl,
Within the confines and boundaries,
Of safety and childish, rosy dreams,
Twenty and one,
It seems childhood is so far away.

~Rei Shiori