Her future

Crouched,
This child at my feet,
I bow to touch her,
Covered in dirt,
She sleeps,
In the filth of the earth,
Mumbles,
As she sucks her thumb,
And I wonder,
How much I can,
Change the future,
For one who has none.

~Rei Shiori

Heading back to memories

He lets the world tilt,
Fall away from it all,
In ashes and smoke,
And the sickly sweetness,
Of incense,
As he rises up above,
The endless brawl,
Of night cats,
Hunting in the streets below,
Leaves behind,
The thickness,
Of the moisture in the air,
Goes back to that cold day,
Where she lay there,
Bare,
Nothing but honesty in her eyes,
That were darker than night,
In the dawn's glare.

~Rei Shiori

To Arianna

Ever radiant,
She still shines brighter,
Brighter than the sun,
They left behind,
Even then her tears glow,
In the sickly pale moonlight,
Behind her mask she hides,
Afraid,
Locking away,
The fragmented heart,
For a thousand nights,
She holds the keys,
It's hard to part,
With sorrow and fear,
Caused by another's spite,
Why is it not a crime,
To break another's heart?
But she doesn't see the one,
Who in her story all along,
Had been a part,
Who to choose,
The fallen angel of light,
Or the darker stranger,
In whose eyes,
She begins to enjoy,
The solitude of the night.

~Rei Shiori

Dedicated to Selene-chan's character Arianna :)

Dying forgotten

The voices are fading,
From long ago,
I used to see their hands,
Waving,
But now no longer,
Nothing but the wilting flowers,
That sweetly stink,
Of decay,
And the death,
That comes ever closer,
With each day,
The nights for me,
Grow ever longer,
It's harder to draw breath.

~Rei Shiori

Back to sleep

Resting a little,
I close my eyes,
Darken the skies,
Lift me back,
To that point of time,
Our half-hearted goodbyes,
I whimper in my sleep,
And he's there in a heart beat,
His breath whispering,
Softly against my ear,
"Just a nightmare,"
"Go back to sleep, my dear."

~Rei Shiori

Insomniac

I spent every sleepless night,
Insomniac,
Wringing every day,
For the final darkened hours,
That I spend,
Restless,
My hands tied.

~Rei Shiori

Evaporating

Always rushing in the tide,
I try to find you,
But you're already washed out,
Too far,
Too deep,
Too wide,
I clutch you hand,
But you've turned to sand,
Whispering between fingers,
That grasp at air,
Gone again,
Evaporating,
Into the stillness of the air.

~Rei Shiori

City of Lost Time - Part 5

Ashes. 

That was all that I saw around me as I opened bleary eyes and propped myself up on one elbow. The world spun dizzyingly and I held in a breath in the hopes it would make my nausea go away. My fingers and clothes were a soft, dusty grey where they had touched the ground. Chalky. There were ashes on my tongue. I spat and wiped my mouth on my previously black sleeve. 

Disoriented, I tried to recall exactly what had happened before I landed here, on my butt, in a most undignified sprawl in a world full of nothing but ashes. In the dim light I could barely discern several moving shapes. I opened my mouth to call out then stopped short. 

What if they were enemies? 

I had always had an obsessive fear of being assassinated although I think being fried by my mother or Felice was a more frightening way to die. 

Felice. 

Her name flared in my memory and a dull, ache began at the nape of my neck that slowly spread throughout my spine. Really ironic, I thought to myself. The boy with the fear of assassins had gone out into the underground den of thieves, murderers and unlicensed mages and asking for the help of one. 

I clicked my tongue against my teeth and began a sort of half-crawl, half scooting motion which hopefully would go unnoticed. The shapes turned to me. I registered part of its features before they began to howl in an unearthly chorus. 

Banshees. Why were there banshees here in the Citadel of Time? I swear I almost saw shock register on their faces as I began to howl along. Oh well, if you can’t beat them, join them right?

~Rei Shiori

Abuse

His fingers stop just inches,
Beneath her chin,
Quivering,
Do you see her bruises?
No,
Not on skin,
But,
A mottled spirit,
A crushed soul,
Hurts more,
Than broken bones within,
Eyes that fill,
But do not drip,
Quietly quietly,
She tries to sleep,
Through the noises in her head,
Recorded echoes of him,
Telling her,
She is better off dead.

~Rei Shiori

Good night forever

When you said "Good night,darling."
I never thought you'd mean it,
Forever,
Your eyes closed that night,
As we swayed our way home,
To two very different ends,
That would separate us,
Holding you again,
Would be in the next life,
But for now,
It's never,
I turned to watch you sleeping,
Your head against my shoulder,
Now all that weighs heavy on me,
Is the plaster cast,
And the ache in my heart,
That is worse than any boulder,
I lost you,
The moment you said good night,
It meant goodbye forever.

~Rei Shiori

More than friends.....

The last time,
We promised ourselves,
No more running free,
In the streams,
That run deep within us both,
You and me,
If only you knew,
How tightly strung,
These veins of mine are,
At the slightest breath,
The lightest touch from you,
And I sink again,
Beneath the waters that make us,
More than friends.

~Rei Shiori

Ripple Effect 4 ( A Beginning continuation)

I wonder if Leah’s home. She should be busy helping mother plan the ball. No doubt her study table looks like a warzone with colour swatches and pattern catalogues. Both her mother and sister had asked if she wanted to lend a hand but she would hardly be of any help if not a hindrance. So she declined the invitation with a smile on her face claiming that she had no interest in china patterns.Besides, if shopping for a gown stressed her out, she could just imagine the effect of planning a ball for over two hundred of the most respected Nocturnes would have on her already fragile mental health.

Arianna climbed out of her car and entered the mansion to be met by their family’s elderly human subjugate. ‘Good day, Miss Acrux.’ Alfred greeted her solemnly. Alfred was almost seventy and had been with their family for what seemed like forever. Even though he should have been stricken by human diseases and other ailments of old age, the magical rune that was traced on him when he came into service with the Acrux family gave him some of the abilities that vampires had; including a slow aging process and the ability to heal quickly among others. Arianna could not remember a time when Alfred wasn’t tending to the household or its occupants and over time, she had come to consider him part of their family.

'Would like anything to drink?’ Alfred asked as he accompanied Arianna to the black and white marble double staircase that lead to the second floor.

‘No thank you, Alfred. I’m just going to take a shower and get a change of clothes before I head out later to meet up with Dominic. And you don’t need to show me my room. I know exactly where it is.’ Arianna joked with her butler.A smile softened his stern face making him look much younger as he said, ‘Old habits die hard miss. If you have need of me just give me a ring through the intercom.’ with that he gave a low bow before disappearing into the kitchen.

The arched doorway with its delicate carvings of dragons and phoenixes chasing each other framed the heavy wooden door that led to her sanctuary. She reached into her bag for her key and slid it into the keyhole which was shaped like the gaping mouth of a dragon. The solid click of the lock drowned out the more muted sounds of runes flaring to life on the solid wood. Finally the door swung open of its own accord, the well oiled hinges making no sound of protest. Sanctuary at last. Arianna sighed tiredly and dragged herself over to the king sized four poster bed with its dark cream bedspread and gauzy black curtains.

Flopping herself onto the bed, she gazed around her room fondly. The room was covered in soft cream coloured wallpaper, streaked with gold and black lines that matched the black velvet curtains with their golden tassels. There in the corner stood her antique dresser cum desk, beautifully shaped like a dragon, its head had once curved around a gilt edged mirror that had been removed when it came into her possession and its tail swept to the floor in thick scaly ropes that served as small hidden compartments. The huge clawed feet of the dragon were the table’s legs and each claw was layered with gold leaf that had dulled over time but still looked rich. A single gleaming sapphire eye the size of a quail’s egg sparkled in the light, making the dragon look even more lifelike. Next to it stood rows of bookshelves that reached the ceiling. Her favourite collections lay within.

The scent of vanilla and musk permeated her senses as she inhaled. The ceiling of her room was painted with a single mural that spanned the entire ceiling. The twelve zodiacs and other stars were painted against the black background that faded into the normal looking cream, gold and black wallpaper at the edges of the ceiling. Among the names painted in gold that stood for the most important families in each city was her family name. Acrux. The bright gold lettering never faded and even now it glowed faintly in the dim lighting that came from orbs hanging around the room. An arched door to the left of her dresser led to her walk in closet filled with expensive gowns and designer labels. 

Her mother had a fondness for human designer labels. Once Arianna had heard her claiming that though mortals had short lifespans, they created art that lived longer than they did and that ‘art’ included clothes. Arianna smiled wryly as she remembered her elder sister taking her out on shopping trips when she had been younger. Now Velaria had taken her place instead, but shopping was still shopping. Arianna dreaded it no matter who she went with. Her room held a certain warmth in it and it certainly wasn’t from the large fireplace to the right of her bed. That fireplace had never been lit before and its sandstone sides remained a creamy white. The white marble mantelpiece held various portraits of herself and her siblings. Memories lined the shelf and even more were hung on the walls in black and white frames. She slid from her bed to let her toes brush against the plush white carpet. The soft hairs tickled her feet as she swung them back and forth. Her stormy blue eyes scanned the portraits hanging on the walls and the mementos decorating her mantelpiece. 

An ancient Chinese vase that held freshly picked white roses from the greenhouses in the mansion’s garden was nestled among artfully arranged tiny gold figurines of mythical creatures on the low cabinet which sat next to the fireplace. That cabinet held her journals and sketches. Important things. However, it was not those things that explained why the cabinet held a special place in her heart. Despite the scratches on the glossy dark wood, it was still her favourite because it had been a gift from Gabriel when he’d dabbled in wood craft many years ago. He had made her a cabinet that held secret drawers and drawn runes into the seams of the wood itself so that it would never be destroyed. The intricate scrollwork along the sides of the cabinet were carved with patience and love. 

~by S.Dawn & R.Shiori

In the aftermath

In the aftermath,
Of us,
Your face against my chest,
Warm,
I feel the light touch,
Of your breath,
That for a moment,
The space of a few heartbeats,
The both of us,
Beyond time,
And reality,
Left.

~Rei Shiori

The Serial Cheater

I'm not sure what I'm furious at,
Not anymore,
The quiet sounds,
Of your footsteps,
Slipping out the door,
Or the woman,
Who has become your new whore,
Blatantly flaunting it,
In my face,
Every time I see her,
Walking round the same town,
Same department stores,
I'm not sure what I'm furious at,
I knew you didn't care,
Not for a long time already,
Not anymore,
And I was ok with that,
Continued with my life,
Babysat your brat,
From the woman before,
Staring the future in the face,
Bleak as before,
Yet it wasn't that,
That broke down my walls,
I'm not sure what I'm furious at,
But I know you will pay for this,
And more.

~Rei Shiori

Regrets, Suicide and that One Moment before the World fades to black

Have you ever wondered what it's like to fall? What if there was no ground to break your fall? What if, it was you perched on that roof top, on that building, that precipice that draws the line between sanity and insanity. What if it was you whose face was splashed all over the next morning's papers and you whose blood stained the sidewalk? Have you ever considered, what happened to lead anyone to that option? It's not all it's hyped up to be, just leaping off the edge and flying to your death, the last few moments glorious and painless. Maybe those few seconds before they touch the ground, those precious last few moments, were not spent remembering their life. Maybe it was spent screaming that it was all a mistake, IT WAS ALL A BLOODY MISTAKE!! But we don't have nine lives. We don't have the chance to turn back time or the ability to fly back up and live to die another day.

Or what if it was you who took to the knife and the blade, thinking perhaps that the blood flowing so beautifully and poetically red was a good idea. What if it was one cut too many and suddenly the phone gets too heavy to call for help and that voice you raised that morning to protest the world being unfair to you has now died in the confines of a throat that has often swallowed self-pitying sobs? Then you panic and all that races through your mind isn't the dramatic plan you so meticulously pieced together to gain sympathy and get your way, but your mind is screaming at you oh shit, oh shit, OH SHIT, WHAT DO I DO NOW?! HOW DO I STOP THIS?! What if, your parents who tried to help you all along and who you thought were annoying, prim and proper society dogs came in as you were dying and the last thought that crosses your mind was "What have I done to them?" Will your final thoughts be their faces streaked with tears and contorted in pain that you can't even fathom? Will you die with a million regrets and lists of stupid things you haven't done racing through your head? What did you die for? A country? Protecting someone you loved? No. You died for yourself and all because of a silly mistake.

That pill bottle sitting in a corner now lies in your hand uncapped, contents spilling out, spelling out ecstasy. Are you really going to take all that? Doesn't dying scare you? If it doesn't, don't you at least feel bad for the people you're leaving behind? Your kids, your friends, your love, your family. your dog or cat. They will feel the pain long after you're gone. Doesn't the discomfort scare you? What if it goes on for hours and days and you're too weak to call for help but still unable to die? Do you really want to be found in a pool of your own vomit? Worth it? Then all those things the bullies said to you, all those things your parents said to you about being a piece of shit, you're going to let them come true when they see how you died. Who wants people laughing at their death? You want to send a message? Then achieve success. Make something out of your life. Then you can spell out your message in cash and have it blazing in lights on a movie screen. But if you die today, who knows what you could've been?

One bullet. You want to splatter your brains everywhere for the love of your life to find? Don't you have enough dignity to tell them you can't take it anymore? Can't you handle things with a more matured mind? Why cause all the mess? No pain, indeed. What about the pain and trauma you cause to the person who finds you, gun in hand, bullet in your head. Don't talk about the mess, what about all the trouble you'd cause. Don't care? Ok, how about this. What about all those people who were mocking you. Want them to see you carried out in a body bag, your picture, grotesque in death, ugly even. Would you want the world to continue mocking you even after you're gone? That one moment before the bullet hits you, think about it. That one second before your finger squeezes the trigger, think about it. What message are you sending to the world? That you really are a useless, good-for-nothing quitter who couldn't even handle his/her own life?

One moment of stupidity and drama, one moment of recklessness, one moment of anger. Will you sacrifice the possibility of finding someone who will appreciate you beyond anything and literally live and die for you? If you believe in God, how would you stand before him and tell him you died because you couldn't face the pressure of exams? How can you explain that he was the only one for you and that you would have died without him in your life or your bed? People out there STRUGGLE to live, FIGHT to stay alive for their family and their future, dim as it is. There is so much more to life than grades and work. There's so many other men out there who will be better than he was. There's more things to life than collecting money. Your life matters, you matter.

Remember when you said you'd die if he didn't love you? Or when that girl humiliated you so much in front of everyone you ever held close to your heart? Remember now? No? Go back to that memory and feel that pain. Now magnify it, imagine it happening again and again, a million times over. Are you dead? No. Of course you aren't. You were born covered in blood, screaming and fighting to live. Or you were born smiling till the doctor smacked the shit out of you and you screamed at the injustice of it all. But what matters is, you made it out of there alive. And you're going to make it to the end of your life. Being humiliated and insulted, take it in stride. Just remember that you're better than them for not stooping to their level. Think that way and their words can't touch you. A boy isn't worth killing yourself over. If he was man enough, he would not hurt you the way he did, and if the breakup hurt you then know this: GROW UP! Life's going to be a pain in the ass and it's going to hit you where it hurts, repeatedly. It's going to make you wish you were dead and often too. But you're alive till now. You're reading this. And somewhere, someday in the future, maybe you'll find your happy ending. Maybe you'll see that if that boy hadn't left you, you wouldn't have found that man who treasured you more than any other girl and tells you he loves you and means it. One day, you'll find real love. It doesn't matter if it isn't in the arms of a lover. Maybe you'll learn to love in the heart of India, staring into the eyes of an orphan you saved or a baby girl you rescued. Maybe you'll find a way to stop a bully from hurting a kid you know. Maybe you'll find peace in the sanctuary of God. Maybe. There's an infinity of possibilities out there. And you'll never know them if you die today. So many people out there are dying, literally dying for a chance to get your life. Think you have it bad without the latest iPhone? Some don't even have food. Some don't have a kidney or a lung or even a heart. Some are living on borrowed time. While you can't wait to speed you way to hell.

We're only human. We're sometimes stupid, crazy, unappreciative creatures who think whether we live or die will only affect US. Our stubborn views of life from our little fishbowl and our egoistic way of living sometimes kills our will to survive or maybe just our common sense. A breakup is no reason to kill yourself. Being bankrupt isn't a reason to kill yourself. Being bullied isn't an excuse. Posting a video of it is just plain looking for attention in all the wrong places. Want to shove it back in your bully's face? Live. Be stronger. Prove to them that what they said made you better than the trash they are. Women have survived acid attacks. Men have lived through been cheated of everything except the clothes on their backs. Children have lost whole families and homes to tsunamis. Why can't you? What's so special about you that you can't live through something at least one third of us would probably have gone through at some time or another? Live. Even if it hurts, you'll understand why you are here someday. I hope someone will see your smile and love you for who you are and erase all that doubt and that pain that made you feel like dying now.

Panther in the shadows

I almost wished you were here,
Till I remembered,
What you did to me,
All that pain,
That fear,
Masked,
Behind the physical beauty,
Of your cowardly body,
And my fond remembrance,
Collapsed in the face,
Of my woman's fury,
Oh have you never heard,
To not stir the wrath,
Of one such as me?
I may not be as beautiful as she,
But I'm infinitely more dangerous,
The girl you thought was a kitten,
Is a panther stalking,
Among the shadows of your dreams.

~Rei Shiori

Without you

Outside the thunder's growling,
And I curl up smaller still,
Colder than steel,
Colder still,
Without you next to me,
I curl up with misery,
I remember the nights,
I slept with your arms around me,
Safer in your embrace,
Than any other place,
Your skin against mine,
Your voice piercing deeper within,
Than the grumbling of the skies,
That have seen my sin.

~Rei Shiori

Bring me home

One road I keep traveling on,
Endless buffeting,
This unrelenting,
Emotional storm,
Torn between,
Both guilt and love,
I hold your hands,
Feel the quieting of the earth,
Eyes that search for the sky above,
While wearied feet trod on below,
I still cannot reach,
Your heart's real hearth,
And my steps are ever slowing,
The only thing keeping me going,
The tempting thought,
Of your love,
Bring me home,
End my search.

~Rei Shiori

Your face

I woke that night,
To your face,
Imprinted as always,
At the furtherest corners,
Of this maze,
Of a mind,
This skin,
Roughened,
By so many nights of hitting,
Unfeeling walls,
And silent pillows,
Still remembers,
The feel of your cheek,
Beneath it all,
I remember,
I remember,
Even if I despise it.

~Rei Shiori

Change

Unsure I stand,
At the edge of a precipice,
Teetering,
Will I choose land,
Or ride the wind?
Fading into the sunset,
I embrace the change,
The twilight brings.

~Rei Shiori

Anger and Wrath

Aching,
Bone deep pain,
Hate coursing,
Deeper still,
Within,
Driving me insane,
Your fury slips,
Unnoticed,
Between ethereal walls,
I cannot hold on,
For any longer,
My anger pales,
In comparison to yours.

~Rei Shiori

How?

Afraid,
That one static touch,
Will burn the world I know,
To dust,
How can I tell you I love you,
This much?
When I don't even know,
How to love myself,
Or let go of the past.

~Rei Shiori

Good night,my love

Now he sleeps,
Murmuring softly,
The secrets he keeps,
And I lean in,
To catch the scent of him,
Warmth in the crook of his arm,

Good night, my love.

~Rei Shiori

Ripple Effect 3 ( a Beginning continuation)

After relaying the news and meeting details to Velaria, Arianna left the store and climbed into her sporty BMW Z4 and headed home. The car was a gift from her father right after she had gotten her licence. A sharp spike of pain stabbed at her heart when the thought reminded her that the Lamborghini Gabriel had gotten as his present was still in the garage, gathering dust that marked the years since its owner’s passing. 

Even though two years had passed, she still felt as if it was just yesterday that she was standing next to her beloved twin’s coffin, her slim fingers clutching the  steering wheel  so hard that her knuckles turned white and threatened to damage the leather. The look on his face had been serene; his lips had been curved in a small smile, even in death he laughed at the world. Smiling in the face of death. She shook her head to clear it as tears trickled down unbidden to wet her cheeks. The pain was still as great as the day he had left, and the wound was still raw despite the years that had passed. 

She doubted if she could ever forget the day they put Gabriel into the damp ground of their family’s necropolis. The sky was blanketed with dark clouds that were just waiting to burst and shower them with rain. Both her elder brothers and her sister were there, their heads bowed and faces streaked with tears, her parents stayed until the Reagent finished the eulogy before they left to attend their busy schedule, their faces utterly devoid of emotion.What kind of parents just leaves their own child’s funeral before he’s even in the ground? Can’t you clear your schedule for just a few hours or did Gabriel mean so little to you? A hard knot of anger balled up inside her chest and choked the remaining tears that flowed from her eyes. 

Growing up, Gabriel and Arianna didn’t have the luxury of spending quality time with their parents like other children, more often than not, spending time with their parents meant seeing their parents at work and sitting quietly so that they could finish some order or answer a phone call, or so they were told by their secretaries whenever they had to cancel on them; which was almost every day. After some time they didn’t even need to call. They just gave up trying. But that didn’t matter to Gabriel or Arianna as long as Kyrian, Hunter, and Leah were at the dinner table. For as long as she could remember it was these three faces that greeted the both of them in place of their parents, always with that familiar warmth and comforting presence that they’d had since the twins were young. 

Together the five of them would exchange stories of their day and joke with each other, the elder ones trying to make up for the absence of their parents and pretending that everything was normal. In truth, they were the only ones whom the twins really considered family. Their parents were mere figureheads, non-existent unless it came to functions which required them to attend as a family. Only then did they emerge from the dim shadows of the twins memories, and for those few hours of the function or event, they were flesh and blood parents that made up their supposedly happy family. After those few hours, they simply faded into the background of the twins’ lives as if they had never existed again. 

Although Gabriel’s bright smile was absent from the table now, the tradition had never changed in the slightest. Every day they would sit down for meals together, be it breakfast, tea, or supper, but of course that was entirely depending on everyone’s schedule. As soon as Gabriel’s mahogany coffin touched the ground and the first few clods of earth were thrown on top of the coffin, the clouds burst with a violent thunderclap and everyone ran towards their tinted limousines to escape the rain, leaving Arianna looking up at the sky as the rain seeped through her clothes and grief soaked her bones. 

by S.Dawn & R.Shiori