Don't ask me

We forget that our eyes speak

Even if our mouths close

Shut tight plastered with smiles

Our eyes weep silent tears that they don’t see

Nobody gets past the curves

And we fool ourselves thinking

This is right

This is right

This is right

I am alright

They don’t see the waterfalls

Etched down the grooves of our cheeks

The hollow bones carving caverns

Where our hearts don’t show on our sleeves

Don’t ask me why my eyes look hollowed out

Darker caves than before

Like someone blackened them with ashes

Of a heart burnt to dust

Like the bloody bruised remnants of a fight

Internalized so it won’t harm

Won’t make a sound

Not even when I hit the ground at night

Curled up in a ball

Don’t ask me

Don’t ask me why my collarbones stand out so

And my breath aches like a quiet whisper

Snaking past my throat to a smothered whimper

Why I can’t breathe and my eyes go blank

Like panic attacks?

Yes except my ribcage constricts like an anaconda

Winding itself around

Nothing
The emptiness feels like it's splitting me apart
But still

Don’t ask me

Don’t ask me why I wrap myself

Endless swathes of clothes when it’s burning

Furiously damning hot

Why though I sweat and sweat

The shivers run through me

Crippling this body

This same skin and bones  and muscles

That you used to trail your fingers along ever so lovingly

Don’t ask me

Don’t ask me

Don’t ask me

If I’ll be ok

Watch for the signs

Have you lost weight?

If only you’d feel my ribcage

You’d see it isn’t the weight I’ve lost

It’s the beating of a heart

~Rachel Alexandrina N.C.L