Rotting

Maybe we're all rotting away inside,
Withering like the grass in which we laid,
Side by side,
So many years ago,
Things we remember,
Starting to fade,
And erase,
Black holes where,
They used to shine so bright,
Illuminating our darkest nights,
With memories we clutched to sleep,
Like a favourite blankie,
Or teddy bear,
Worn and torn at the seams,
Now just burning away in the blaze,
Of forgetfulness,
That creeps in day by day.

~Rei Shiori

Maybe I never took my mask off

Sometimes it's all perfect, but still there's this niggling feeling inside. Something still pricking in your heart. Or maybe it's just the leftover paranoia he left in you, the remnants you never could get out no matter how much love your current beau.

How could one memory destroy so much of you?

How can one single mortal mistake erase your trust so fast that right now, at this very moment, you still feel alone.

Out of all the feelings in the world, why this one?

Why tonight of all nights? When he can't be by your side, when it's quiet outside, and you just want to cry.

Why do you feel the tears coming?

I don't know.
I can't answer that.
Maybe the walls you built in me a long time ago are breaking.
Maybe I feel again.
Or maybe the separation from loneliness I had was all just pretend.
Maybe I never took my mask off.

~Rei Shiori

Oppressed

Breathe in,
Breathe out,
Like a child,
My hands shake,
In helpless fury,
Of one below the class,
Observer,
Oppressed in the dark.

~Rei Shiori

Into the blaze

They're singing in the breeze,
I hear them,
But not you,
Not anymore,
Why'd it end that way?
Driving up the road,
The sunset in your face,
One moment here,
The next gone from this place,
I was going to lift this veil for you,
I was going to keep you safe,
And now,
We're done for,
I'll see you in the frames,
That burn holes in my memory's space,
Gone, gone, gone, baby,
Gone,
Can't say goodbye anymore,
Not when I can't touch your face,
Every shovel of earth,
Sounds like a thunderclap,
That echoes in this empty space,
I cling to your scent,
Gone with the wind,
Gone,gone,gone, baby,
Gone,
Where are you now?
Said you'd be here with the dawn,
Where is your smile?
Gone, baby,
Gone, baby,
Gone,
Tell me you love me,
Then fade away,
Just fade into the blaze.

~Rei Shiori

Lost in White Noise

White noise,
That's all I hear,
Blocks out everything,
Dulls my fear,
How do you sleep at night?
I keep my eyes open,
Clutch the pillow,
A little too tight,
Somehow these voices in my head,
To them,
Self-derision is all the rage,
I tell them to stop,
But they don't seem to see,
What they whisper,
Is hurting me,
The moon is gone,
The stars are lost,
I see nothing but the white walls,
Memory whitewashed,
I bring them back,
A split second,
At what cost?
My sanity,
Elusive on nights like this,
Gone again,
Lost.

~Rei Shiori

Under the covers

That smoky,
Bitter aftertaste,
Twining around the sweetness,
Honey on your breath,
Jasmine and some,
Unidentifiable scent,
Of you,
Squinting against the glare,
We'll retreat,
Back under the covers,
Where we belong.

~Rei Shiori

Split soul

In the midst of my nights,
You took my hand,
Because you knew,
Tainted as I am,
I was once,
A part of you.

~Rei Shiori

"I love you"s in the dark

Let's watch the stars tonight,
Even though it's raining outside,
We'll be here,
Gazing at them inside,
The memories we share,
I remember in the dark,
Even before your fingers touch my hair,
I remember when we said,
We'd never let go forever,
Oh we were so young then,
Stupid little lovers,
Wishing on the stars,
Light years away,
Hoping it'd come true,
All our dreams,
And the silent prayers,
We whispered in our hearts,
With our hands clasped in the dark,
Look at us now,
Back to where it started,
Back to us,
The two broken-hearted,
Sharing the scars,
That made us,
And of us become a part,
Still together in this weather,
Still whispering "I love you"s in the dark.

~Rei Shiori

Instead of you

Fate sometimes plays,
A funny hand,
Odd as it is,
I never thought this would be,
How it would end,
You on that side of never,
And me on this side,
With someone I can promise forever,
To think all the people,
I gave up,
Forgone for you,
I never thought he'd be the one,
Who'd stick through,
Instead of you.

~Rei Shiori

On a side note, this blog may or may not become private later on as I'm considering sending in some of my works to a publishing house. May. Not that I'm saying I'm very good at this writing thing but I'd take a chance. Thanks to all of you dear readers who put up with the mad, erratic quality of my posts and took the time to read them. I heart you all.

Creeper

He said,
It would be forever,
And I looked into his midnight eyes,
Not knowing I was falling deeper,
For his lies,
With every move he made me believe,
His promises he intended to keep,
I was fooled,
As we all were,
So now the scars run their roots,
Shallowly into my memory,
Like a poisonous creeper.

~Rei Shiori

Fading writer

Some things have changed,

Your footsteps,

Scattered across the floor,

Flat silhouettes,

Black,

With ash and earth,

Blood and shadows,

Nightmares and dreams,

They have faded,

Into that misty grey,

Of old days,

And remnants of memories,

You walking back and forth,

Bleeding thoughts,

That darkened your sleep,

Weeping ink,

As your thoughts cut deep,

Your paper discarded,

The floor worn,

As I watch you,

Wear away,

Waxing and waning,

Day to day,

Going out like a star,

With the bang and blast of a supernova,

Or to turn slowly within yourself,

And into a black hole,

Become slowly a creature-thing,

Consuming yourself whole,

Continuing your soliloquy,

Late into the night,

Till the sun cracks through,

The porcelain darkness of night,

And bring in the glaring dawn.

~Rei Shiori 

The half conscious drowning mind

What will you do,

When the chaotic waves,

Rage their endless tirade,

Of self-derogatory whispers,

Overriding that small piece,

Of sanity you have left,

That little bit of heaven,

Which used to be yours,

Sinking like the Atlantis,

Wind-tossed,

In the waves, lost,

Light just beyond your reach,

Fingertips,

Stretching,

The glimmering light catching,

Just mere inches away,

Cold,

Half here,

Half there,

One foot in the underworld,

The other in memories,

And long forgotten echoes,

That had begun to swirl,

And bubble beneath,

The half conscious,

Drowning mind,

Too late too late,

They seem to say,

As the lights fade into nothing,

Unnatural night replacing,

What was once day,

The roar of life that was,

Subsiding into a whine,

That echoes long after it's gone,

Through the whale songs,

Carried by the waters to the bay.

~Rei Shiori

Passing phase

In the end it didn't matter,
The world continued,
Its nonchalant ways towards me,
And I,
Trudged on in my own solitary way,
Life if but a passing phase.

~Rei Shiori

Tainted souls

In the dark,
I somehow begin to understand,
How twisted we are,
The reason,
Us,
Began,
You and me,
Both,
We are the same,
Aren't we not?
Tainted souls,
Bearing different names,
Part of a single entity,
Who are we to blame?
When the darker side of us,
Comes out to play.

~Rei Shiori

Trapped in Wonderland

Tossing ,
Turning,
Dreams never ending,
And I wonder,
Will this maze ever end?
Or will I be,
Trapped like Alice in Wonderland.

~Rei Shiori

Bliss

In the echoes of your voice,
I still manage a smile,
To be reminded of my own worth,
Once in a while,
It is bliss.

~Rei Shiori

Just had a Skype video call with someone I love :) I'm happy

Disgraced

Always different,
And all of you,
Never understood,
Ridiculing me,
As if I was a dancing bear,
Trapped in a cage,
The clown whose mask,
Made it impossible to shed,
And tears,
I'd smear my face,
Disgraced.

~Rei Shiori

Decisions

Perched,
On the edge of the bed,
I look at you,
Your silhouette,
Wondering,
If I chose right or wrong,
Decisions never make it easy,
When they dance in my head.

~Rei Shiori

Alley waiting

Come to me at midnight,
Just us two under the shadows,
Hiding from the streetlights,
We'll be here where no one knows,
Where the loneliness screams,
No louder than echoes,
And your cries are as futile,
As your feeble kicks and punches,
At my legs and nose.

~Rei Shiori

Slipping away

Watching you breathing that way,
It kills me,
Can't I take away the pain?
I don't want to just listen to you rasping,
"Stay near me"
Even as you're the one,
Slipping away.

~Rei Shiori

Distance

This distance grows ever colder,
Will we not go back to that summer?
At night the rain lashes at me,
This heart feels the pain,
Even more acutely than before.

~Rei Shiori

Broken mirror

The shards,
That cut,
And bleed,
And smart,
Tearing, tearing,
Down and apart,
Walls inside,
This bitter heart,
Broken mirror,
On the wall,
Now you can't tell me why,
I'm not pretty at all.

~Rei Shiori

Nobody

Nobody,
She still echoes,
But it seems it's all,
Just as silently,
As before,
Nobody,
They can't hear her,
Can't seem to see,
She's invisible,
Inconsequential,
Miniscule enough to be,
Of no importance,
Not even acknowledged,
Shunned,
Nobody.

~Rei Shiori

She is home

The nightmares stop coming,
And for once,
She can rest easy,
Against the heart beat,
That beats steadier than her own,
She is finally home.

~Rei Shiori

Volatile

So volatile,
Wrapped in skin and flesh,
Yet destructive,
Worse still than,
A hornet's nest.

~Rei Shiori

Refuse

What am I to you?
Just a toy?
Must I prove my worth again,
To one such as you?
Disgrace,
I refuse to step beneath,
Into the thoughts you have of me.

~Rei Shiori

Tired

Not sure who I am anymore,
Fat or thin,
Does it matter?
I don't know,
Cannot believe in what I see,
And what they say,
Everything keeps changing from day to day,
And I am tired.

~Rei Shiori

Choose joy

Choose joy,
I remind myself,
As I stare at that flyaway hair,
That extra bit of muffin top,
That stubbornly just won't sit,
Out of sight,
Choose joy,
Instead of starving and feeling guilty,
Hiding it all and feeling ugly,
I dress to impress,
Who?
Nobody but myself,
Why should I care less,
About what they think?
Choose joy,
I tell myself,
As I savour every bite,
Every bit of laughter from the times,
We spend together,
Despite them saying we should wait,
Or maybe we shouldn't be together ever,
Choose joy,
I feel a little bit braver,
Because you make me laugh,
And life's ok just the way it is,
With all the crazy little quirks,
And stupid jinks,
Choose joy,
Because I want to live,
The best I can.

~Rei Shiori

Sad people

In the end,
It's just us two,
Sad little people,
With our past tragedies,
And almost constant sighs,
Sitting together,
Watching the world go by,
And remembering,
All the what-ifs and whys,
Of yesterdays.

~Rei Shiori

Let me be worthy

I'm not sure if I deserved you,
After all,
Wasn't I the one,
They called unruly?
Flaring at any moment,
At almost anything,
Not many would attempt being,
As close as we are now,
Still holding on to my hand,
Even if,
It was clenched,
Into that self-destructive fist,
That dug half moon shapes,
Into the callused palms,
From those many years,
Of bearing the anger alone,
And trying not to lash out,
At anyone,
Let me be worthy of this one time,
And for forever,
With you.

~Rei Shiori