Saturday, 5 April 2014

It's been a month...

To be honest, I haven't actually felt the need to write here in a very long time. It's been months since I have actually felt that need and although I do feel bad about not posting, I'm happy because I can finally be happy without having to rely on writing out my feelings night after night through prose I can never speak during the day.

It's been more than a month now that I am actually happy almost every day.

That in itself is a miracle to me.

Looking back on my life, it's been 21 short years but that's probably almost a quarter or more than the actual lifespan I will ever have.

I'm happy to have met the people I have in my life now.

In just a few days, my perception of people and experiences have changed so drastically.
Come to think of it, I've actually come to believe I can belong somewhere.
The irony of life, I travel more than a hundred miles to find my home among people who were once strangers.
Strangers have become friends.
Friends have become family.
Not to say I don't appreciate my real family, but I am so very happy here where I am now.
Despite the stress, the workload, the hormones and the occasional shitty person, life is beautiful.

I wake up with a purpose.
I wake up because I WANT TO.
I haven't felt that in a long long time.

My ex finally unfriended me on Facebook and to be honest, I don't quite give a damn. In fact, I'm actually pretty happy about it and wondering why it took so long. My baggage is gone.
Another ex and I have finally had the closure we needed so long ago. Thank you for trying to fix what was so broken before, but I have forgiven a long time ago. I don't hate anymore. It's ok. We're ok.

The one I love cares for me, and I feel the same. Silence is no longer the awkward thing it once was in previous relationships. I understand, you understand. No words needed. Just know I love you, no matter what I may be feeling at that moment. I love you. Remember that.

My friends have changed but not been replaced. I love them all the same. I just happen to have more love going around now than before. Thank you to all of you who have made me feel I have somewhere I belong. Thank you for your expressions, for your humour, for the acceptance. Thank you for being there. For all the late night talks, the crazy walks, the messages I didn't expect to receive when I wasn't feeling well, the secret giggles we share, the parcels packed with so much care. I needed you all and I found you guys there. For that, I will always be grateful and no matter how far we will be someday, I will look back on these days and smile. Even as I write this, I'm actually tearing up with how happy I am. When I remember, I hope you remember me too someday down the road. Thank you for not leaving my side when I was being ostracized by people who hate me. You made me believe that not everyone is as bad as I thought they would always be.
Just remember I'll be there for you guys too when you may need me one day.
Lord, I'm such a sentimental sop today. But I'm thankful I have something to be sentimental about.

To everyone, you guys make my life wonderful. Thank you thank you thank you.

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