Monday, 31 December 2012

The light

Step by step,
I inch forward,
Towards that light,
That supposed end of the tunnel,
And end of suffering,
But when I emerge,
I am blinded,
By the glare,
Of the glamour,
And insolent, judging stares,
Deafened by the noise,
Of everyone,
Who wasn't there,
When I faced the trials,
But now look upon me,
With haughty stares,
And self-praising words,
Put on airs,
I cannot go to the light,
Take me back into the darkness,
Where it was all simple,
And my thoughts,
Were the only things in my sight
My voice the only thing,
Singing alone to myself in the night.

~Rei Shiori

Sunday, 30 December 2012

Old year

The quiet ticking,
Of the ancient clock,
Counting down the hours to midnight,
In the silence,
Of a darkened room,
And the pain-filled echoes,
Of a fading year,
Fill your mind,
Like a heavy blanket,
Squashed into every corner,
Every memory,
And gnawing grudge,
Making their existence known,
As they count,
The hours,
Minutes,
Seconds,
To a new beginning,
And the old one,
Goes out with a whimper.
~Rei Shiori

Saturday, 29 December 2012

Before tonight

How many times have you cried,
While typing "I'm alright.",
The bright screen,
Glaring at you,
While the tears fall anyway,
And the one on the other side,
Knows no better,
About your lie,
And you feel so helpless,
Hoping it will go back,
To the way it was before tonight.

~Rei Shiori

Go say HI!!!!

Have you guys read the post by Selene-chan yet?! GO READ! Why you ask? Because she's awesome at writing too and I plan on making her a monthly guest here, that's why. =^.^=

Many thanks to her for accepting my invitation to post on my tiny blog. Arigato, Selene-chan.

Picture taken from Google Images





Unexpected Guest

Greetings, patrons of Excerpts of a Wondering Mind. As the title suggests, I'm not Rei Shiori but a friend of hers who is a fan of her writing. So, naturally when she offered me a chance to post on her blog, I couldn't decline. Let's start with my name shall we? I won't reveal my true name, so I'll stick with my alias, Selene Night. I'm suppose to talk a little about myself i guess. At least that's what Rei told me when she extended the invitation which doesn't go well with my plan to remain an enigma to others. Oh well. I know that Rei is a huge cat fan but I'm in love with dogs and wolves but both of us equally love all things Japan especially anime. English isn't my first language or my mother tongue but it's the language that I have the most confident in compared to the other languages echoed around me. I grew up in a rather small town but I'm currently in a big city for my studies. Gonna be here till I graduate which looks like a long and bumpy road complete with unexpected potholes. which is why being a guest blogger can help with relieving stress from staring at books the whole day. I've always had ideas in my head that would make interesting stories but never had the aspiration or time to put them into words till I met Rei almost two years ago. She was the one who helped me weave my dreams into words even if she doesn't know it (Arigatou Rei-chan). Growing up, all my friends we interested in stuff like clothes,crushes, and idols who shone like stars on the stage. Where was I? Most probably sitting somewhere getting lost in whatever book I dragged my parents to the bookstore to get. People could talk to me and I would be so engrossed in my book a didn't hear a word they said till they placed their palm between my field of vision and the page. To me heaven is to curl up with a good book on a rainy day with cup of chamomile tea and let the day pass by. Recently I had a story in the process of writing but sadly with my studies and assignments, continung where I left off is a privilage I have lost. On the bright side, I did manage to come up with short poem or whatever you wanna call it to quench the thirst for writing. Looks like I have to end things here. Hope I didn't bore all you readers with this seemingly empty post. For some reason whatever I've written so far seems more jolly than I originally intended. Or is it all just in my mind? LOL

so here's a little glimpse into my psyche and one of my favourite pieces in my little collection. Till we meet again~

UNDER THE MOON
With a moon so full and bright,
Reminds me of the serenity that accompanies the Lunar Light,
Even if I'm standing here alone,
With no one but the Silence of the Night,
To comfort my Weary Soul,
All I have to do is look at the Orb that Waxes and Wanes,
And our memory will Reign again.
~Selene Night

Friday, 28 December 2012

Square one

All our days of running in the sun,
Have ended,
The carefree days of youth,
Have run,
Their course is done,
And we will not relive those memories,
Of yesterdays,
Spent together,
Laughing,
Having fun,
Together as one,
We cling to the distant echoes,
And when we meet again,
Pretend like we never lost the time,
And with simple hellos and a smile,
We start again,
From square one.

~Rei Shiori

Those were the days my friend

First time in days that I've gotten a break from bicycle training. It's been awful, so much so that I actually sport a dozen (I kid you not, it's really a dozen) bruises, ranging from a fist sized one that looks like someone stomped on me with a swelling the size of a ping pong ball underneath that black patch of a bruise to bruises the size of a huge thumbprint. I have patchwork legs right now. Ugh. And a very bruised behind from where my seat jumped up when I braked and smacked me. I hate that bike. Hmmph.

Anyway, I'll be away for most of the day, being busy with some 'things'. Just a heads up, I might be having a special guest on my blog soon. You'll know when you see her =^.^= she writes better than I do, methinks.

I had an awesome day out with a few ex-schoolmates of mine today and I realized how much I've actually missed talking to them. We're so far away from each other now and the distance doesn't get any less, not even with Facebook and all the newfangled applications or networks. I never thought that the people we used to see everyday would one day become the people we only see about twice a year. That's even if we get lucky and our holidays are at the same time. All the memories of us together struggling through sucky Add Math and copying English homework (I never did this one though) are just somewhere in the distant past. How many years ago was it when we were sitting together on plastic chairs and scribbling away on the cramped, rickety plastic tables which were more often than not shared until there wasn't any elbow room left? How many years ago did I hear my friends screaming for the fried chicken to wait for them as they stampeded out the classroom door at the sound of the recess bell? I don't know. It seems like yesterday, but it's been a long time. I miss you guys. All of you. Even you annoying, hyper, super energetic, loud, chatty nutcases. I never thought I'd say this. Yeah sure, we hated each other, had bitch fights occasionally, bullied each other once in a while, were competitive as hell when it came to subject prizes, but all in all, we always managed to stick together and make everything work. Like that time when we went choral speaking together and did the YE project together even when some of us weren't actually supposed to be involved at all. Fun times. Insane times. Happy times. Good times. I miss them now.

Ah, I didn't realize I got so soppy. If anyone felt like throwing up after reading the paragraph above...hehe...sorry.

No time to write as much as before. Everything seems to be snowballing. It's going to be an avalanche if I'm not careful. No time to even be sentimental much these days. I apologize beforehand if my posts get rather erratic. Thank you for reading =^.^=

P.S. Please do comment if you happen to like what you read. It gets a little lonely when I write and write and write and write but nobody says a word =U.U=


Thursday, 27 December 2012

I will not forget

I feel the whip lash,
Mentally cringing,
Your words in my ears,
Ringing,
As I rewind my mistake,
Try again,
Another chance,
To make or break,
And inside I die,
Just a little,
I cannot cry,
Or whimper,
Because to you,
It is weakness,
It is wrong,
And I am not strong enough,
But I hurt,
And you are wrong,
I will do it,
And make it right,
But that doesn't mean,
I will not remember what you,
Have done and said to me tonight.

~Rei Shiori

I cannot tell

The taste of vanilla,
And burnt caramel sugar,
Bittersweet on my tongue,
From your lips to mine,
The air thick,
Heady with the scent of wine,
Half forgotten desserts,
Dark chocolate,
Half buried amidst the white,
And that aching,
Throbbing heat,
That spreads through me,
Building up a steady warmth,
From your body or mine,
I cannot tell.

~Rei Shiori
 

Ice and snow

Almost the end,
Almost the end,
Nothing left,
But footsteps in the sand,
Swirling waves that come and go,
Carrying with them,
Fragments of a heart,
That used to know,
A love without boundaries,
Now broken,
It has nothing left to show,
But a single darkened hollow,
Filled with ice and snow.

~Rei Shiori

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Addict

He sits at the foot of the stairs,
His hair's a mess,
Eyes bloodshot,
About a couple hours sleep at best,
High as he could get,
Without doing more harm,
And leaving the living for the dead,
Needle in one arm,
Crystals and powders in a bag,
He's seeing angels,
And the girl he couldn't forget,
The reason why he ended up like that.

~Rei Shiori

The Cutter

These myriad marks,
And telltale scars,
Tell a story,
Of internal wars,
And nightly rage,
Against the world,
From one who feels,
So very powerless,
Yet filled with frustrations,
And voices that scream in her head,
Everything that drives,
Her closer to the edge,
Nearer to her blade.

~Rei Shiori

Change / Ride the wind

Time to change,
Can you stay sane?
Amidst the chaos,
And new dreams,
That come tumbling,
In an endless rain,
Of uncertainties,
And sometimes,
Old pains,
That have resurfaced,
To haunt you again,
Give me strength to stand tall,
Face this challenge,
And ride the wind.

~Rei Shiori

Discontinuing?

It hasn't been the best of Christmases, I'll tell you. Thank to my close friends for the wonderful presents though. It's been a tough week and I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically. The only thing getting me through has been my writing and the occasional text from my friends. I think I'm PMSing too. Emotions on a rollercoaster and every small thing sets me off like an automated fountain.

I'm thinking of discontinuing The Fox (if you haven't read it, it's one of the short stories I've been trying to complete here). For some reason, the story bores even me. And I'm the one writing it. I'm losing my touch when it comes to stories and it doesn't help that I never complete them. Ok, maybe never is too strong a word. Rarely would be a better word. So, here's a heads up in case anyone wonders what happened to The Fox and why it never got to Part III.

Thank you all for your support so far, thanks for reading and taking the time to view my posts although some are downright awful/boring/yawn-inducing/cliched, etc. Arigato.



Tuesday, 25 December 2012

Dance with the breeze

Sometimes these wings,
Forget to fly,
Just as the caged bird,
Slowly forgets the sky,
Trapped in sorrow,
Other feelings cease,
Toss your dead memories away,
Let them dance with the breeze.

~Rei Shiori

Let fate decide

Forget the memories,
Forget the pain,
Let loose once more,
Dance in the rain,
Suffer no more,
Let fate decide,
Cross paths again,
Or the road that divides.

~Rei Shiori

Sad memories

The memories live on and on,
Echoing sadly,
The strains of an old song,
Wearily the heartbeats keep,
In time,
With the falling,
Of tears as they drip.

~Rei Shiori

Your dreams

I'd love to wander in your dreams,
Where reality collides,
And splits at the seams,
Where lost wishes,
And faded memories grow,
Where time is the only thing,
That stops in its flow.

~Rei Shiori

To hell with him

When you love so much,
That your heart is breaking,
Let go of it all,
Save yourself from aching,
Turn around,
Never look back,
If he ever loved you,
He will not let you go off track.

If he doesn't,
To hell with him.

~Rei Shiori

P.S. Merry Christmas to everyone who pops by today =^.^= Sorry but I've been super busy, toobusy to post actually. 



Monday, 24 December 2012

Underneath it all

Are we so wrapped up,
In rosy glasses,
And gilt cages,
Broken promises,
Prettied with satin bows,
That we forget the pain,
Of losing,
And the hurt,
Of leaving,
Lying,
Crying,
The feeling,
As if your heart was dying,
Is it so easy to let go,
Of something,
Someone,
Some dream,
That you vowed to want,
Forever,
Is it so easy to let go,
And find something new,
Rather than fight,
For what would have been,
Someone who would never,
Have said never to forever,
With you.

~Rei Shiori

Forgetting you

Almost there,
Just a little longer,
And I would've forgotten,
The way we used to be,
Until I saw you with her,
Then I knew,
Forgetting,
Was never going to be easy.

~Rei Shiori

Sunday, 23 December 2012

The finality of us

In the midst of the darkness,
I find you again,
My soul has never traveled far,
From where we first began,
My descent into the sweet insanity,
Of our combined memories,
And dirty deeds,
My delusional dreams,
Where we were never as we seemed,
So far from the ugliness of reality,
And the painful truth,
You eventually unveiled to me,
The twisted secrets of your heart,
That poisoned the reasons,
We lost our individuality,
And became as one,
Until the finality of us,
That came eventually.

~Rei Shiori


Saturday, 22 December 2012

My teacup

The hot sweetness,
Of sugared tea,
And miniscule grains drowning,
In the golden brown heat,
Reminds me of you,
And the memory,
Of watching your face,
Distort into waves,
Of scented steam,
As I watched,
From behind the rim,
Of my teacup.

~Rei Shiori

I sang for you

I sang for you,
But you did not listen,
Turned away,
Before you saw the teardrops glisten,
This time you did not catch them,
When they fell,
I never felt so cold before,
Your hands were warm,
But the heat did more harm,
Than it used to,
Burned my heart,
And in it my feelings for you.

~Rei Shiori

Friday, 21 December 2012

Last Goodbye

All the memories are ashes,
Back to dust the dancing flames,
Gone are the embers of feelings,
And the sweetness has fled away,
Our time together has now passed,
Bury these ashes,
That goodbye was our last,
From now on,
The bridges we built,
Have turned to dust.

~Rei Shiori

The day you walked out the door


She can’t see their future anymore,
The light’s gone out,
And chance has walked out the door,
She’s afraid to hope for anymore,
And so she sits alone,
Waiting by the phone,
And she says,
“Oh I’m not alone,
I’m fine,
All on my own,
Believe me,
I’ll never shed a tear,
For one that once,
My heart held dear,
I’m stronger than before,
I built a shield around me,
The day you walked out the door”,
But the way she talks and the way she smiles,
Belies her words,
And the pain she can’t escape even after so many miles,
She puts the distance between them,
But feels the pain linger in the air,
But still she says,
“Oh I’m not alone,
I’m fine,
All on my own,
Believe me,
I’ll never shed a tear,
For one that once,
My heart held dear,
I’m stronger than before,
I built a shield around me,
The day you walked out the door”
This time she knows,
She can't trust anyone anymore.

~Rei Shiori



Wednesday, 19 December 2012

The Fox - Part III

One thing led to another and she found herself talking to him as if they had known each other for years. How she ended up studying there, why she was always alone and that she loved to visit thrift shops. She even showed him her necklace as they sat at a cafeteria table, his long fingers drumming a steady beat on the stained plastic top. She had been so proud of it since it had been a steal and coincidentally had been the first thing she had bought from a thrift shop in Japan. He sat across from her, his lanky legs sprawled over the edge of the bench, watching her with slanted eyes. She didn't see the hungry look creeping into those same eyes that she thought was exotically beautiful as she turned the necklace with it's silver fox towards the light.

Her name was Emilia but she had shortened it to Emi for the sake of blending in with the other Japanese students. There were other girls named Emi in her class as well, but she stood out anyway, with her ash blonde hair and sea green eyes among the blacks, fake blondes and other unusual colourings. He stretched the kinks out of his back as he strode through the corridors, sighing in pleasure at the cracks his joints made and at the pull he felt as his muscles stretched to the fullest. It felt amazing to be able to move again. He had cunningly avoided introducing himself to her, avoiding the subject or ignoring it when raised. She hadn't even realized that she didn't even know his name when he left with the excuse that he needed to deal with an assignment.

He stayed on the rooftop, the hard tiles digging into his back and keeping him awake. There was a strange feeling in his stomach. A sort of ache that had been building up all day. He wondered what it was. The sky was unusually clear, the stars reflecting in his eyes as he lay on the roof. He didn't know where else to go. After wandering around town and being chased by a large greyhound and later a husky dragging its very embarrassed master, he was exhausted. The world now didn't make sense to him anymore. Nobody carried weapons even if there were large metal beasts that roared up and down the paved roads. Even the clothes he wore were alien to him. A heavy coat made of some material he didn't know covered most of his body and his long human legs were clothed loosely in something that he had overheard someone say was a thing called 'jeans'. He sighed and rolled over onto his side making the tiles dig into his ribs. The cold was starting to set in and he didn't know how or where to get his fur back. The small of his back ached where his tail should have been. Feeling rather lonely and miserable, he curled up as best as he could. He couldn't wait to break the curse. The things he would do and smell and places he could run to. His thoughts were drifting away into the misty night air and his eyes were closing when a shout from below his feet startled him. He scrambled backwards, higher up the roof as a head poked itself out from the window beneath where his feet had been. There was a splintering crack as the tiles gave way, he felt air rushing past him as he twisted to try and land on his feet. Then he knew nothing more.

Can we begin again?

Can we begin again?
Tip the sands of time,
In the other direction,
Forget about the pain,
Erase the bitterness,
Let it all wash away in the rain,
Can we start when we were just friends?
Extinguish this flame,
That's burning in my chest,
Can we start again?
Forget that I feel,
Like a million birds are singing your name,
When you but walk past,
Ignore the way you call,
I wish I could forget it all,
Begin again as if I never knew you,
And that love was not where I had my fall.

~Rei Shiori

How she loves

How she loves with all her heart,
Fragile thing as it is,
Amazing how one can still,
Believe in love,
With a heart as broken as this,
And all the tiny pieces,
She gathers into her hands,
Lifts them up as sacrifice,
For a feeling she doesn't understand.

~Rei Shiori

Monday, 17 December 2012

Linger

In the quiet of the halls,
An echo of a heart beat lingers,
A final message that swells,
And sighs,
In a forlorn goodbye,
Leaves behind nothing,
But tears and endless nights,
Of lonely hearts that cry.

~Rei Shiori

In memory

She wears hope like angel's wings,
Treads through the halls,
Where little ones used to laugh and sing,
Lightly steps where the blood has flowed,
Bows her head a moment,
In quiet sorrow,
The stain will not be removed,
Engraved in the hearts of grieving parents,
For whom the light has gone out of tomorrow,
As she passes,
She prays for them,
Let the light never go out,
Even in the face of the darkest cold,
And blessed strength to the community,
Who had lost loved ones,
To the evil in a single man's soul.

~Rei Shiori

Sunday, 16 December 2012

The pursuit of perfection

With stars in her eyes,
And a black hole in her heart,
She watches the world go by,
In flashes of brilliance,
And occasional insanity,
Exploding colours of humanity,
Clinging to the sidewalks,
And the busy streets,
The crazy beauty,
Of a mad world,
Caught up in the rush,
Of the pursuit of perfection.

~Rei Shiori

The calling

To turn or leap,
She wonders as she stands,
At the edge of the only world,
She has ever known,
Is it worth the risk,
Of falling,
She doesn't know anything,
But perhaps,
She may answer this one calling.

~Rei Shiori

Saturday, 15 December 2012

The Fox - Part II

He wondered if she noticed him still. For the past hour or so, he had watched her poring over an ancient tome she had dragged out from one of the more deserted bookshelves in the library. He tapped his fingers lightly against the wood of the table, relishing the feel of the grain beneath his skin. It had been such a long time since he had been able to feel anything other than the cold and dust. He loved it. Being in a body again. He was so very close to regaining his freedom. But also very close to losing it. His fingers stiffened on the table as she rose and began to clear her notepad and pencil, stuffing them into her back pack haphazardly. She tried to lift the book from the table but at the last minute the heavy tome slipped, landing on her fingers with a muffled thump accompanied by her yelp of pain. This was his chance. He stood up fluidly, leaving his chair as it was and strode over to the girl who was so distractedly rubbing her sore fingers that she failed to notice him until he picked up the book she had been trying to lift. "Greetings." he said softly with what he thought was a smile. Human expressions were hard to decipher. She burst out laughing.

After she had wiped the tears from her eyes, she couldn't help but chuckle a little at his expression. He looked a little dumbfounded, his long fingers curled around the edge of the book and his dark brows drawn together in a little frown. "I'm sorry I laughed," she replied, trying very hard to hide her smile "It's just that nobody in this age would ever dream of saying 'Greetings' to someone else. It's all 'hi' and 'hello' or just 'hey'. You're the first I've ever heard and honestly, it sounded weird." He dipped his head in acknowledgement of her apology and gestured at the book with his free hand. "You wanted to put this back, yes?" She nodded and smiled, "Until it slammed my fingers, yes. I did want to put it back." He moved gracefully, almost as if slinking with every step, dark brownish red hair glinting with copper strands highlighted in the light coming from the dusty library window. Her hand itched to sketch him, all reds and browns and dark shadows and angles. His hair was a dark flame silhouetted against the light, the coppery tints giving him a halo of sorts. From where she stood, he looked like an angel without wings.

~Rei Shiori

Life's avalanche

Productivity levels have risen since the last week or so. Half the time I'm dead tired, sweaty and my legs are screaming for mercy while my brain refuses to churn out anything to blog about.

Went out most of the day today and got a lot of things, toiletries mostly (BB cream at last!), and some essential furniture for my room. But the last stop of the day was Padini and boy do they have the softest, comfiest chambray shirts! I'm in love with my new long sleeved shirts. One is a stonewashed chambray and the other is a dark blue with white stars formal shirt. So soft! Squeeee!! =^.^=

I won't be posting as much as I used to until the start of January, so expect less posts. I won't stop entirely but there'll be fewer excerpts and shorter poems.

Life's good now and I'm going to enjoy it to the fullest while I'm still here. And sew as much as I can while I still have time to do so. Cat plushie, here I come! =^.^=

With all the crazy rushing and running around and getting things I think I have neglected my Christmas shopping for presents. I really have to cram in some time to do it all. =@.@=

When life throws stuff at you, it's an avalanche.

Friday, 14 December 2012

She

Her voice is the roar of the stormy ocean,
Her face the radiance of the morning sun,
When she stares at the world,
She is quiet and calm,
Still waters beneath her bridge do run,
In her eyes the stars of a galaxy swirl in them,
She runs like the wind,
As free and wild,
Unstoppable as a she-wolf on a hunt.

~Rei Shiori

Can you?

Can you look her in the eye?
Tell her it wasn't just all a lie,
And that your affection wasn't just a disguise?
Can you ask her to understand,
Why you did what you did,
And why you took that stand,
And stopped being her man,
Left her alone,
Wondering what could have been?
Where it started going wrong?
And where the trouble began?
Can you even look at her again....

~Rei Shiori

Sorry, all tired out

I've never been happier to be at home, all cozied up in my computer chair. It's been a really long exhausting day but a very productive one. Tied up some loose ends and bought some things I'll be needing when I move next year, made a long trip, learned to cycle (almost did it, just a wee bit more and I think I can do it on my own without safety net a.k.a my dad) and yeah, that's my day. Seems like very little to do in a day but traveling tires me out.

I'm still trying to fit everything I want to do in the few days that I have left. It seems like time has disappeared when I needed it most again. Tch. So many things to do and Christmas shopping not done yet. Gah! No time to even go handmade this year. =>.<= Feel like banging my head on the wall somewhere but that isn't going to help the headache I'm having.

Lately I've started feeling cold again for no reason, I wonder if my blood circulation is going downhill again....hmm. Apparently everything else is fine, my medical tests came out alright. In fact I was 'healthy'...wow. Never thought that was possible for a couch potato who never works out and eats all the time.

Lastly, I owe everyone who drops by daily to read my posts a huge apology. I've been away from my laptop a lot lately so posting has become a little erratic and even if there are posts, they aren't as good as when I spent most of my day writing. I'm so sorry. I promise after all the rushing and running around is over I'll write better posts. I haven't even done Part II of The Fox yet. *sigh* Gomenasai. I'll get to it.

Thankful for the pain

I'm thankful for the pain,
Because today I understand,
The reason behind every teardrop,
The meaning behind every burning ache,
And I am grateful,
That it turned out this way,
I would never have learned otherwise,
If we had stayed the same,
If we had remained,
The breaking would have made me think twice,
About moving forward,
To reach for the one thing,
I have always aimed,
And I am grateful now,
For yesterday's pain,
Because without you today,
I am stronger again,
And I am where I need to be,
No fear,
Not a wreck,
No longer afraid to hurt you,
Or that we would be apart or too far away,
I am grateful for the pain,
Because you hurt me yesterday,
I am rebuilt again,
I'm on my way.

~Rei Shiori

Thursday, 13 December 2012

I met a boy

I met a boy who takes me by the hand,
He makes me dream with my eyes wide open,
Because he understands,
Holds my heart in his,
Tells me he'll never let this end,
Never make me fall,
Doesn't need to make my world a little smaller to fit,
Because we have each other,
That's all we need,
He's ok with all of it,
Jealousy? Nothing to worry about,
He knows we're in love,
There's no need to shout it out,
He knows me and my dark side,
And calms the storm in me when I lose it.

~Rei Shiori

Wednesday, 12 December 2012

Crying in the rain

Step out into the rain and wonder,
If the skies are crying with you,
Drenched in water that can never,
Wash away the pain,
Or erase the scars that remain,
On your torn and tattered heart,
Do you feel alone in the crowd?
Like you've lost a part of you,
That you know can never again be found,
You can cry in the storm,
And no one will ever know,
That the one that kept your heart warm,
Is gone.

~Rei Shiori

My little visitor on 12/12/12

So today is 12/12/12. The extremely rare date that so many people are posting about on Facebook. To be honest, it feels just like any other day to me. Nothing particularly interesting happening today other than the tiny yellow and black hummingbird that's been hammering on my window for the past few hours. God must be playing Angry Birds, the human version that is, with me as the pig.
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Can you see the yellow underbelly? So adorable! =^.^= It's been paying me a visit around lunch time for the past week or so. It came last year around December too I think.

Talk to me

Talk to me,
Before I disappear,
Engulf myself,
In unfounded fears,
Talk to me,
Dissolve these whispers,
Anxiety-driven,
Insanity speaking,
Talk to me,
Let me hear,
The calmness in your voice,
My steady rock,
Sheltering me,
From my own thoughts.

~Rei Shiori

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Walking bin of confusion

Today was a productive day. Had my bestie, Musica and her sister over at my place to finish up some props for her upcoming birthday bash and had KFC for the first time in a long long time. Overall, a fun and (a little) crazy day. Despite the mess and the occasional "Oops, I think it's wrong/it doesn't look right" moment, everything went well. We now have a few awesome props to use. So, it deserves a yay!

I wore my fox necklace for the first time today and it feels like I was wearing air. Didn't poke me at all either considering the length of it was longer than the other pendants I normally wear. I think I'm in love with this new piece of jewellery....hehe.

Went to a few stationery shops and the things that one can actually find in them are amazing. It's like a mini treasure hunt in there. There were cute bear shaped mugs with bear ears on the lid, little sneakers and football boots keychains, pretty pretty paper and all sorts of craft things. Got myself a luggage tag in vermillion that says 'not your bag!' on the front to go with my Bodyglove back pack that has orange zips. Yes I'm a freak when it comes to colour coordinating things. Everything must match. Down to the metal pieces on my bag and shoes (silver and gold together=NEVER). I'm fussy that way.

Somehow feeling slightly sad. Maybe it's because I know I'm not going to be home all the time for much longer. It'll be my first time out in the big bad world all on my own. Literally, since where I'm going, I only know three people out of which I only know one of them close enough to talk to without dying of embarrassment. Sad also because I let go of some people that I have cared very much about this year, knowing that they will never come back into my life of their own accord. Sad because I know things will never be this way again. It's never going to be the same. I just pray it'll get better so I can let go of everything with a happier heart.

I'm grateful for all the little things though. The sometimes crazy, funny talks I have with my close friends. The long and sometimes not-very-productive but fun shopping trips with my girl friends. The downright unladylike talks I have with my guy friends. The late nights and late mornings. The lazing around and making beautiful things from my craft stash. Nibbling when I want to and not having to worry about getting my own food. Playing with my frisky dog and his tatty collection of socks. Dreaming. Writing. Enjoying my time.

A little happy and a little sad. I'm a walking bin of confusion.

P.S. Thank you to Musica who left me a small gift, cat themed sticky memo papers! I love'em!

The fairy tale has ended

She cannot see anymore,
The rose tinted glasses,
Stained with her own blood,
Reality ripped and torn,
She cannot see anymore,
Prince Charming is never home,
Always searching for someone,
She cannot be,
Looking for a girl who would be his whore,
She cannot see anymore,
The fields are chemical messes,
Green grass as fake,
As the attitudes of the masses,
That mill about her door,
Begging, pleading,killing,lying,
She cannot see anymore,
The animals are gone,
Replaced with stuffed creatures,
That stare at her sadly,
From behind glass cages and silent doors,
She cannot see anymore,
The fairy tale has ended.

~Rei Shiori

Lost

Tonight was never meant to be,
Wandering far from home,
No longer within the boundary,
Not in reach of safety,
Lost in the darkness,
When so many search for you,
And you are gone,
Lost in the calm before the storm,
In water and mist,
At the break of dawn,
Lost, never to return home.

~Rei Shiori

If only

If only I could turn back time,
I would never have been so blind,
I wouldn't fall for you at all,
I wouldn't be so stupid,
To have believed your every word,
The lies and promises that I heard,
Every broken piece replaced,
Every deep scar erased,
I would have been alright today,
If only those three words,
I had never hear you say.

~Rei Shiori

The fox - Part I

The fox dangled between the fine silver chains hooked to the end of its tail and the top of its head. It was beautiful, the silver of the fox glinting in the harsh white lighting of the shop. A pretty trinket, she thought as she fingered the fine lines that marked the fur on its body. She let it go a little reluctantly and the chains slipped through her fingers with a sad sigh of metal on skin. Despite making her rounds around the shop and searching for something else that would catch her eye, something still drew her back to the fox. It hung on the repurposed doorknob that served as a jewellery hanger, staring at her out of one garnet eye. After a moment’s hesitation, she decided to take it. A wild fox, cunning, wily and free. It would make a fitting animal for her. The fox shone as it was tipped into a transparent bag and slipped into her satchel. It was hers.

The fox hung neatly between her collarbones, bobbing against her skin as she walked down the hallway. The air was cold but somehow the fox felt warm on her skin. She finally arrived in front of the plain grey doors that she would be facing for the next few years of her life and with an inward sigh, pushed it open. She thought she heard the bark of a fox. Softly in her ear, it whispered for a moment and was gone as suddenly as it came. She brushed it off as a product of one too many cups of caffeine and strode into the lecture theatre. 

She felt the eyes on her the second she walked into the hall. Scanning the crowd, she thought nothing of it since there were almost fifty other students in the hall as well. Surely someone was bound to look at her. But the feeling of those eyes on her never left. She fingered the fox nervously and sat down at the back of the class. Her hands fumbled with the zip of her backpack and she pulled out her notepad and favourite pencil. Her mind calmed as she began to scribble away on the clean sheet.

He watched her from the back of the class. She didn’t even notice him sitting there. He had slouched down into his seat the moment he noticed that she had felt his eyes on her. He hadn’t meant to freak her out, but what was he to do? She had bought him after all. He shrugged, a fluid motion that rippled through his lanky body that lounged casually in the plastic seat with its tiny swivel table. He supposed he had to follow her now that she had bought him, and perhaps introduce himself at some point. He had no name since he was merely a being, a spirit trapped in a fox. A silver fox with garnet eyes to be precise. He rumpled his already tousled brownish-red hair as the class began. He would have to wait and bide his time. Or else he would be thrown away again and forced to wait another hundred years before someone would come along and set him free.

To you that I care about

I cannot tell you I will be there,
Because I don't want to make empty promises,
I can only respond when you need me,
Prove it so you'll believe me,
Be around when you fall,
When you call,
I would not miss a heart beat,
I would help you to your feet,
If you just called,
Asked me to,
And I would never leave,
I understand what it is to be deceived,
And promises are beautiful lies,
Tied up in pretty bows,
Dressed up to confuse,
Both heart and eyes.

~Rei Shiori

Monday, 10 December 2012

Tired

She's so tired and weary,
Only nineteen but it feels like ninety,
Doesn't know where she's heading anymore,
Been kicked to the ground,
One time too many,
By heart, she knows the way out the door,
She tired, she's tired,
But she can't stop,
There's never a moment to rest,
Even though she's about to drop,
The pressure's killing her,
She doesn't think she'll make it back,
Tonight she's drained again,
No time to rest or relax.

~Rei Shiori

Old friend, Jack Frost and a discounted shopping spree

Had a really awesome day out with an old friend of mine. We go all the way back to primary school actually, although technically speaking, she wasn't my schoolmate. We were more of err....churchmates? We went to camp together, had Sunday school (it was Saturday school but never mind, I won't argue with the system) together, went on shopping trips together and been absolute wackos in tuition together. Let's just call her Raccoon here. I haven't asked her what I should refer to her as when I'm blogging so that will have to do for now....hehe.

We went for a movie today and I think I have a problem. I seem to like guys with white hair. Now before anyone throws their grandpa at me, let me clarify; anime-ish guys (read: young) with silvery white hair. Jack Frost is one, but my main fictional crush is Jem from Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare. Although having someone like that in real life is probably going to give my dad a fit. He can't even stand dyed hair (I have VERY very black hair with a few strands of reddish copper, white and gold here and there, but all natural, no dye involved). Heh.

Rise of the Guardians was a really really good cartoon. Do I call it cartoon? Or would animation be a better word? Whichever it is, it was one of the best I've watched. I kind of liked it better than Tangled to be honest...

New loot alert! =^.^= Added to my collection of scarves today as well, two pretty new ones. One in cream with bright perky pink and purple flowers on it and the other Prussian blue with very red roses on it (which Raccoon said looked 'old' but it's ok, I feel old anyway). They were cheap and there were discounts. In my opinion anyway. RM 15 for two is quite a steal I believe. I got a fox necklace from Vincci for half price (less than RM10 is always a plus point and 50% off!) and a new mechanical pencil with a cat on it. Last of all, I got a little Christmas present for my dad. Which I will not state here just in case he does read. One can never be too sure. Ok that wasn't the last thing I got. The last thing I got was dog food for my doggie boy but that isn't under the 'new loot' category.

I ate a pretzel too. A cinnamon sugar topped pretzel. Yum. I love the sugar. Not the pretzel.

Over the edge

Tip her over the edge,
Just one more reason,
To let go,
And she would take it,
Gladly,
Give up her whole life,
Forsake it,
Because you proved her right,
That she was nothing to you,
And never will mean a thing,
Never make it,
You made her believe,
That the voices in her head,
And the taunting,
Was the only truth,
And she wasn't worth,
Fighting for.

~Rei Shiori

Sunday, 9 December 2012

Picture thoughts











The last quote has got to be my favourite so far. But everything here, they're pretty much how I feel.

P.S. I own none of the pictures by the way. They were all taken off Facebook, Google Images and miscellaneous other websites.

Out of my control

Barely there,
Hanging by a thread,
Sanity,
What is that?
I think mine is dead,
I am afraid,
I fear,
Like nothing before,
This is unknown,
I cannot control,
What's happening anymore.

~Rei Shiori

Confession, confusion and cracking

Life's been really hectic these few days. Catching up with old friends and sorting out some other things are driving me a little...blur. Not crazy yet, fortunately.

I haven't even had time to make my plush cat. Although I'm not very sure I'll be taking it along with me. As a matter of fact I have no idea of what I will be taking with me. Some things I just don't want to leave behind. Ugh. I'm such a pack rat and a hoarder. I'd take my whole house along with me on a trip if I could. But sadly it's not possible.

But for once I actually feel like I can really start all over again. I'm not exactly excited at the prospect of leaving behind everything I've known for the past 19 years, but it's a fresh start. And it's what I need. Right now I just want to put everything that has happened this year behind me.

Still, I'm not sure how I feel. Or how I should feel.

I'm afraid.

I'm nervous.

I'm melancholic.

I'm worried.

I'm tired.

I'm confused.

My memories are on repeat, constantly replaying in my head and killing me again and again. Scenarios of what might happen are giving me insomnia. It's a tangled up mess of emotions inside. I feel like my mask is slipping away, my security, my safety zone....just disappearing. Let's just hope it doesn't explode on the way off.

Nightmares

Are your nightmares as real as mine can be?
Do they creep in your ears,
Whisper to you till you scream?
Do they make you toss and turn,
Or lay awake?
All night till morning,
Traces of them lingering,
Even after you leave the bed?
Do they start off small and pleasantly,
Morph into demons that cackle as you plead?
Do they dance on your chest as you try to breathe?
And mimic your fear,
In a mocking parody?


~Rei Shiori

Fire

I feel the fire in my words,
When I call your name,
It burns,
And I watch as you dissolve in flames,
Your fingers hot as blazing embers,
As they clean away my shame,
And I still call your name,
Watch you burning,
Burning,
And I set fire to the bridges that remain.

~Rei Shiori

Dust got in her eyes

The wind in her hair,
Miles flying by,
She wonders if it's the last time,
She'll go this way,
And sheds a tear for the memories,
As she winds up the window,
Tries to shut out the moments,
Crowding in her mind,
Turns up the music,
Pretends that dust got in her eyes.

~Rei Shiori

Quick day-night update

Yikes. Been out all day and neglected my poor blog. Feel kind of tired (ok that's and understatement and I know it) but going to scribble a bit. A teensy weensy bit. Because I really have no clue what to write today and I'm half dead as it is.

Went on a day trip today and had butterscotch on ice cream today. It was a great day except for the sun. I really hate the sunlight and spending all day with it shining on my face is not exactly my idea of joy. I wish there were hats large enough to block out all of it when I'm sitting in the car. Hmmph.

Saturday, 8 December 2012

Feelings at midnight

Cold fingers in the dead of night,
Darkest hours before dawn,
Sitting typing,
Waiting writing,
Emotions brought forth,
In a violent storm,
I remember,
I want to scream to you,
But you're too far away,
And I know,
There is no chance of return,
It does not burn anymore,
I only remember now,
And feel resentment,
I remember,
While you are sleeping,
And dreaming of someone,
That I am not.

~Rei Shiori

Friday, 7 December 2012

She can't go back again

For her the nights are longer,
Darker than they should be,
Colder than December,
The smoke makes her drift,
Beyond the stars into infinity,
She stares at the strange man,
With glazed, bloodshot eyes,
What once was beautiful,
Is now full of dirty lies,
Used today forgotten tomorrow,
She can't get out of the rut,
To live she continues to borrow,
Living on someone else's time,
The empty, pointless life,
Doesn't feel like her own anymore,
She has nothing to point at and call 'mine',
Drowns her sorrow in the cheap bottles of wine,
Smokes away her fears,
Forgets her dignity and gets used to the leers,
She's gone beyond the bend,
Not coming back again,
She can't go back again.

~Rei Shiori

Till the end of forever

Back and forth the silver bridge,
That red rivers flow under,
And seas eventually built,
Of garnet oceans and salty tears,
And heartache moments that tear her asunder,
Give birth to the hurt that never heals,
And scars that fade to red weals,
But never the same as before,
Never the same again till the end of forever.

~Rei Shiori

Blood roses and poppy dreams

Have you seen the scarlet flowers blooming?
She smiles at the world,
But her arms are full of blood roses,
Her nights are drowned in poppy dreams,
She doesn't know what's real anymore,
Nobody is as they seem,
Everything just drifts by in a haze,
But when she reaches for the blade,
She just lets it all slip away,
Forgets that they used her,
Throws every care away,
With every blood rose that blooms,
She feels her world slipping away.

~Rei Shiori

Don't ask her

There she sits,
In the bath tub,
Water over her head,
Trying to drown out the sounds of the world,
Comes up choking,
Spitting,
Don't ask her if she's crying,
She'd just be lying,
Through the water cascading down her face,
But the pain doesn't go away,
Even when she's bleeding,
Dying the water red,
And the knife sits with her,
Her only other companion,
Is the derisive voice in her head.

~Rei Shiori

The old ballerina

On blistered, swollen feet,
She twirls,
Gracefully as always,
No trace of pain,
Not even fatigue,
Despite the ache,
The pirouette creates,
She dances on,
In the mirrors,
There are many,
As she remembers in her head,
From days long gone,
Although she is but one,
Dreaming of the music in her head,
She lets it flow,
To her feet,
And imagines the applause,
Of yesterday when they danced,
Together always,
Never apart,
The swan princess and her prince,
In glittering white feathers,
They soared on stage,
And in their hearts,
The silent worn slippers,
Watch her go by,
She is on her last pair,
All those years of dancing,
In the arms of the man,
Who held her up in the air,
Gone now,
She does the final scene,
Her swansong,
And bows,
Her head filled with sad thoughts,
Covered by her white hair.

~Rei Shiori

Thursday, 6 December 2012

Empty heart

Aren't you proud of what you've done?
Your achievement in fooling everyone,
Neither I nor anyone knows,
What goes on behind your mind,
Your eyes are open,
But your soul is closed,
Empty heart hidden in angel's clothes.

~Rei Shiori

Separated lovers

She howls to the moon for a lost love,
And far away he hears her cry,
To one separated by time and space,
There is no last kiss,
No final goodbye,
No bridge of magpies to lead to,
He is gone where she cannot be,
Only the promise to be true,
Is the one thing that lingers in both memories.

~Rei Shiori

Demons in your head

Are the demons in your head?
Dancing, screaming,
Painted red,
Do they set fire,
To your thoughts at night?
Do they burn your dreams,
And scare your memories,
Making them take flight,
Like frightened pigeons,
As the shot rings out,
In the quiet of the dawn light.

~Rei Shiori

The empty house

The lights were out in the house. Darren checked and rechecked the windows for any sign of life. This was his job tonight. Slowly he peered around the shadowy edges of the wild creepers and bushes he had been hiding behind. Mosquitoes greeted him with their low buzzing and he blew at them to get them out of his face.

The grass made the barest rustle as he crept towards the back door. Surprisingly, the door wasn't even locked. He had been told that there was someone living in the house and automatically assumed that it was probably an old lady or someone else just as helpless since his boss hadn't given him a gun for the night. He had brought his knife along just in case. All he needed was to get whatever money he could get his hands on and the photo album that his boss had asked for then he would be out and nobody would hurt. A prickling feeling of being watched trickled down his spine like cold water as he turned the doorknob and let himself into the house.

The kitchen was clean. Spotless in fact with not even a cobweb in sight. The shelves were unusually empty though, as was the pantry that he passed by. A silent chill that made his flesh creep came and went every time he thought about stopping or turning back. He had no choice but to go on. The stairway was just a empty, no vases or crazy cat pictures. Not even a porcelain teacup in sight. In fact, there was only empty furniture arranged around the house to imitate a lived-in house. No wonder it was cold, he thought to himself. As he set foot on the first step of the stairs, he suddenly remembered that he had seen a light on in the upstairs bedroom window. He freaked out and tried to turn around. His leg refused to move. He was stuck.

Darren slumped down on the step, his leg twisted at an uncomfortable angle as he tried to prise his foot out of the shoe. It wouldn't budge, not even when he used his knife. His foot was bleeding a little inside the shoe. He could only hope that someone noticed his absence and came for him. It occured to him that perhaps the house was haunted and he shivered. He didn't believe in God or ghosts and now wasn't exactly when he wanted to be proved wrong. His entire life, he had believed in what was tangible, material things. Money to be exact. That was what he took the job up for anyway. Breaking in wasn't his usual job. He put his head between his hands and squeezed his eyelids shut. He felt like crying, screaming. He had spent the last 20 minutes yelling for help, but nobody seemed to have heard him. His handphone wasn't where it was supposed to be in his pocket.

A whisper caught his attention. It was soft but the voice sounded urgent. He whipped his head up and looked around. There was no one in sight yet. Darren didn't care even if he was found by a cop. He just wanted out. The whisper came again. It sounded like it was from upstairs. He craned his neck up, towards the landing. Nothing. The moonlight came in through a window at the top of the stairs.

Again the whisper. Darren frantically tugged at his foot and then he heard it, right next to his ear. "Do you need any help with the leg?" came the soft voice. He jumped, screamed and tried to leap away but managed to only twist his leg even further. A girl stood next to him, dressed in a grey nightgown that billowed around her. Darren pushed himself further up the steps, his leg still anchoring him to the bottom step as she got closer to him. "Who- who the heck are you?" he stuttered. She smiled prettily and picked up the knife he dropped on the floor. His knife. He couldn't see her eyes clearly, but she had a lovely smile and sharp cheekbones. Darren's eyes widened as she bent to his foot and aimed the tip at the bottom of his shoe. A sharp crack and he came free, the carpeting glued to the bottom of his sole.

"Uh, thanks. Could I have that back please?" he mustered as he gestured towards the knife the girl still held. Her eyes were a beautiful black that shone in the dim light. Something was wrong about them despite her beauty. Her waist length hair waved around her in a wind he didn't feel. Only a draft, he convinced himself as the girl made as if to step closer to him and hand him the knife. She put her face next to his and whispered "Run." Darren did as she said, his heart hammering like a hummingbird's wings. Her eyes were empty hollows.

He never reached the landing. A silver blur shot through the air and he didn't move again. "Ah, pity. He never made it." came the whisper that echoed through the empty house.

~Rei Shiori

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Quick night update

Super busy week and I'm only in the middle of it. But it's a good kind of busy. It's a busy for a good thing kind of busy. Not the I'm-irritated-and-I-hate-this kind of busy.

Finished a bunny plushie today so I feel kinda proud of myself...hehe. Poked myself with the needle half a dozen times on the way though.

Did some preparation and shopping for a very important 'something' happening soon and I'm dead tired.

Saw the loveliest tuxedo cat today but didn't manage to snap a pic since I was rushing. He had the fluffiest tail I've ever seen on a stray.

Just noticed my poor blog looks rather deserted and abandoned. Shall do something about it after all the things I have to do are handled.

Please excuse the lack of posts these few days. I'll be busy most of the time and my brain is almost dead by the time I get to my laptop. I'm surprised I haven't fallen asleep at the desk.


Chimaera Corps

Where to go? The streetlights spun in an acid orange glare around her as she searched for a place to hide. A hot lance of pain made her gasp and the world tilted before her eyes, her vision bluring around the edges. She reached out a trembling hand to hold herself upright against the wall, leaving a bloody handprint on the red brick. Too late, she realized she had just left a mark for them to track her. Cursing under her breath, she tore a strip off her already tattered shirt with her teeth and bound both her hands with the torn strips. There was nothing to be done about the handprint. She had to move. In the distance an eerie cry pierced the night, half bull bellowing and half wolf howl. She pushed herself off the wall and ran.

The bleeding had slowed to a sluggish oozing. It wasn't good since it could be infection setting in, but she couldn't afford to lose hope. Perhaps it was just healing, she consoled herself as she covered her side again. Her shirt was stained a dark red and her jeans were in ribbons. Breathing hurt. The chimaera's claws had been exceptionally long. She was lucky it hadn't been a snake chimaera. Bull chimaeras were slower and stupid. Their back claws weren't poisoned either. Taking a deep breath, she hauled herself up into a sitting position and rummaged around in her backpack. A half eaten sandwich, three chocolate bars, her wallet with a wad of cash sticking out haphazardly, some change and a three quarter full water bottle plus her phone and luckily even her charger. She tugged the phone out of its pocket and pressed the speed dial. "Arch, you have to come get me. They're coming." she whispered to the sleepy male voice that answered the phone. The ground shook. "They're here." she hissed and hung up. Too late to run. The abandoned house provided some hiding places but she could easily be crushed to death if the bull chimaera decided to ram itself into the building. It didn't help that the wolf head could smell her out in an instant. She was bleeding. Small cuts and nicks all over her arms, the gashes on her thighs where she had misjudged her jump and the worst of all, the huge wound on her side that stretched from her hipbone to the top of her ribcage. The ground shook again and she winced. Archer may not arrive in time with the back up. As quietly as she could, she crawled to the other end of the hallway she was in, the boarded up windows lending little light from the streets as she made her way across. The floorboards were old and creaky and she didn't fancy landing downstairs right in front of the chimaera in jumble of broken flooring and pipes. A splintering crash alerted her to the chimaera entering the house. Now she was really trapped. A loud, wet snuffling echoed in the downstairs hall and she froze, breathing as slowly and as little as possible. Her hands were reaching for the twin blades she wore on her belt when she heard a screech. The house erupted in chaos.

Broken boards and splinters flew, glass shattered downstairs followed by the bull chimaera's loud bellow or rage and the wolf's head's snarl. She raised her head, scattering splinters and glass and came face to face with the huge barn owl that sat before her, regarding her with huge black eyes that stood out against its creamy feathers. "Archer's here." she smiled at the owl who hooted softly in reply before swooping across the banister and disappearing into the mess downstairs. She could hear shrieks and angry snarls, both human and chimaera. Using her sword as a walking stick, she made her way downstairs.

Archer sat on his chimaera's back, the half horse half lion creature reared on its back hooves, striking the bull's nose and muzzle with its claws. Archer shot burning arrows tipped in sulphur into the bull's eyes. It was already bleeding from its left eye and sticky black blood streamed from it like grosteque tears. The wolf's head was engaged with another lithe figure who wielded her scythe with surprising ease despite the enclosed space. Damaria smiled and gave her a thumbs up as she dodged the wolf's snapping jaws and swept her scythe in an upward motion. The head crumpled to the ground, spurting black blood over human and chimaera alike. A large lynx with a scorpion tail lunged at the bull's head and clung on as it tried to toss it off. The scorpion tail whipped across and hit the bull on the nose. It shuddered and swayed a little on its feet. The lnyx chimaera hopped off its head casually and strolled back to Damaria, arching its back like a house cat begging to be petted. Damaria obliged, scratching behind its tufted ears as well. Everyone leapt backwards as the chimaera erupted in an explosion of black blood and claws. A hoof nearly hit her in the face as she ducked.

Archer had her in his arms as they strode out of the house. A helicopter was parked on the street, curious onlookers crowded some distance away. She buried her face in his camo jacket as he pressed her body closer to himself. "You could've gotten yourself killed, Anastasia." he muttered. "That's the last time you're taking a job as bait."

~Rei Shiori

New life

One foot on the path,
One in the past,
Where do I go now?
Things are moving so fast,
Whirlwind whipping,
No time to say goodbye,
To what was once safe and sure,
Beginning a new life.

~Rei Shiori

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Remembering

Just a little closer,
In the dark,
Touch my heart,
Can you feel it?
That pain,
It goes away in the day,
Aches when it rains,
Can you hear it?
That quiet murmur,
Softly remembering,
The memories come in a trailing chain,
Of darkened rooms and quick urgent kisses,
Soft beds and the sweetest of promises,
Skin on skin and hand in hand,
I remember them all,
Do you think you can?

~Rei Shiori

Meaning of pain

I look past the dreary sunset,
Dirt smudged skies,
Rain filled eyes,
Tomorrow will be on us,
But not yet,
Not yet,
For a little while longer,
I will be patient,
And remember the way things are now,
So I will never forget,
The meaning of pain,
I will grow stronger,
Till the next time we meet again.

~Rei Shiori

This time last year

This time last year,
We were one,
Yet drifting,
Set apart,
All bonds had begun lifting,
What we set in motion,
Unstoppable,
It was wrong,
Yet it felt right,
The way it feels now,
You on your path,
And I alone on mine,
This is the way it will be
Our destiny.

~Rei Shiori

Choice made

Choice made,
The dice thrown,
Now what was unnamed,
Is now known,
To walk the path,
Where once I dreamed,
This is the answer,
To which I cling.

~Rei Shiori

Seven sins

The demons want every piece of us,
The tattered shreds of humanity,
The wrath and lust,
The pride and gluttony,
Greed, envy and sloth,
Enough of sins to burn eternally,
Pick your poison, mortal,
What will your sin be?

~Rei Shiori

The necromancer's daughter

The boy's eyes had already glazed over by the time she reached him. He was spreadeagled by the side of the dirt road, bits of gravel and sand stuck to his long black lashes and pale face. She was in time. Rigor mortis had not yet set in, she thought as she lifted his unresisting arm clad in coarse linen and inspected him for any serious damage. Mostly internal, she deduced. Perhaps a broken bone or two, but nothing that could not be remedied.
The roads were deserted ever since the soldiers had swept through the countryside. Many had died, some had fled. But still died nonetheless. It was fruitless to attempt to escape death.
She pushed back the hood of her riding cloak and stared at the boy's face. He looked young, his dark grey eyes silvery in death and his pale face with its high cheekbones and strong brows would have been beautiful in life. She checked the surroundings for any possible ambush attacks then settled back on her haunches muttering a soft incantation to herself.
The air grew warm, surprisingly so since it was almost winter and it was often chilly at dusk. Ten minutes later, a fiery red mist had gathered around her and the boy. The air felt still, stifling hot now but she could not stop or else he would be worse off than before she began.
A flame flared at the boy's feet, flickering a ghostly red and orange with white tints. Another three flickered to life at his hands and head. The last flame took longer than the rest, sparking and almost dying above his chest where his heart should have been.
As the final flame flickered to life, she leaned forward, almost kissing the boy on his forehead and whispered "Beatha". A loud roar like the sound of a bonfire made her wince and a blinding flash illuminated the trees by the roadside. Animals who had not run while she was chanting now fled with soft distressed cries.
When the flash of light faded, she blinked away the red spots in her vision and looked at her handiwork. His tousled black hair had been blown back from his face and his eyes were now half closed, muzzy and unfocused. Not glazed. She cheered mentally as he twitched his arm and then his legs, as if testing them. Leaves crunched on the ground as he tried to raise himself. She slid a hand behind his shoulders and helped him into a siting position. His lips moved but she heard nothing but a hoarse whisper. "What did you say?" she cocked her head to the side as he tried to speak again. His voice, possibly suffering from the effects of the spell, was husky, but still he tried again. "Thank you." Then he collasped in her arms, his eyes closing in the natural sleep of life.

~Rei Shiori

Monday, 3 December 2012

What do you hide?

What do you hide?
Here,
This beating heart,
Holds something,
Afraid?
Like a butterfly,
Fluttering,
Captive in its own chrysalis,
Perhaps it is a moth,
Refusing to meet the light.

~Rei Shiori

The wary traveller

How do I stop,
This descent into a world,
I know nothing about,
Frightening,
Colourful,
Loud,
How do I step,
Across the boundary before me,
And still keep sight,
Of the sweet dimming memories,
Of shadowed kisses,
And loving arms,
That used to hold me,
It will be wild,
And strange,
And beautiful,
But will it welcome me?
Will it allow me to be,
What I have been and will be?
What does this new world,
Strange as it may be,
Hold in store,
For this wary traveller in me.

~Rei Shiori

Learning a language

Studying a language I do not understand,
Is like a kiss,
Stolen in the dark,
By a stranger from another land,
It can be rough,
Or make me fall in love,
And never look back again,
Or snake-like thread its way,
Over my skin,
Making me recoil,
Resist learning again.

~Rei Shiori

The lotus

To want but to hold back,
Self control,
To listen even if you do not know why,
Obedience,
Is like a lotus in water,
Tugged hither tither,
And yet,
Does not float away or die,
It keeps its roots,
And from mud,
A beautiful flower,
Rises above the current,
And becomes one,
That never drowns in the flood.

~Rei Shiori

Try again

I strove to be,
What I was not before,
Sweat,
Tears,
Blood,
Will not wipe out,
What was written on history's wall,
So today I begin again,
I can do no more,
Than try,
Harder than before.

~Rei Shiori

Quick afternoon-ish update

Yesterday was pretty good but today is a little more stressful than usual. Have to handle some important matter so may not be around or have as much time to write as I'd like.

Good news is, I got the furry D.I.Y. cat plushie kit and a few other miscellaneous items (leather strap, bag charms, metal plaques). Also two new books, despite the fact that I have already run out of space to put them. One can never have too many books.

I'll try to write as soon as I can get the tension out of my system. Check back later =^.^=

Sunday, 2 December 2012

I am enough

I am enough,
Because I have loved,
And lost,
And been no less of a person,
Than before I started,
I am enough,
Because I have failed,
Sometimes even before I have started,
And I have gotten up,
Tried again,
Even if the wound smarted,
I am enough,
Because I live each day as it comes,
I don't worry about tomorrow,
Or it's needs and wants,
I am enough,
Because I'm not perfect,
But I know I offer my heart with faith,
And I can step forward and proudly state,
That I have given it all I had,
I have no regrets,
Because this is the way my story is played,
I will live my life,
And be what I was born to be made,
I am enough.

~Rei Shiori

Dysfunctional

Have they been too busy for you again?
Do you sit alone,
Waiting for them to come home,
Only to complain,
And leave you,
Alone and out of their world?
Does everyday feel the same?
Go out,
Come back,
Alone,
Unwanted,
Feeling like an impending train wreck,
No one to ask about your day?
Is the silence killing you?
With an emptiness that nothing,
Not even hours on the phone,
Or the latest CDs can fill?
What would make them notice?
New tattoo?
Crashing the new car they gave you?
Nothing seems to work,
They look but never see,
That all you ever needed was a family.

~Rei Shiori

My own eyes

I see the coldness in your eyes,
Even in my nightmares,
It's no longer a surprise,
To hate what once was loved,
Seems only natural,
A way to let go of the hurt,
Blank out memories,
Tie down the feelings,
Trap every tear that weeps,
For the 'could-have-been's,
Even I cannot deny,
I see the ice in my own eyes.

~Rei Shiori

Reading

I lost myself among the pages,
Black ink sweeping in strokes so bold,
Ancient tales,
Of love and tragedy,
Of futures in teacups foretold,
Bated breath as the dragons fell,
And darkness claimed the lands,
Beautiful the princess' hands,
Wherein lay the prince's once lost soul,
Each turning page,
Every rustling sheet,
Brings back joy,
That was lost to reality,
Till to the end of the book I reach,
I stare blankly at the walls,
And remember the book's parting speech.

~Rei Shiori

Saturday, 1 December 2012

Quick night update and a question

I never imagined I'd be looking for ways to wear my clothes using Google Images for ideas. That fake leather vest I bought last year is harder to style than I thought. So far I'm considering investing in a pair of burgundy leggings. Maybe a black one as well, just to be on the safe side.

I'm not quite sure what to write today. Been out most of the time so by the time I got to my dearest laptop, it was already quite late (where I am, it's night time and past dinner). Sorry if anyone dropped by hoping for an excerpt or at least a little more life than what I'm showing tonight. Brain is just really tired and my fingers have been stabbed quite a few times while I was in the process of sewing up my plushie (which isn't even finished yet =T.T=).

Still looking through pictures to help me with my 'rock star' outfit while trying to squeeze something out to write other than an update on my boring life. Anyone up for an excerpt based on the cafe ones I did? Comments are appreciated =^.^=

To a dead love

Once these lips,
Whispering soft,
Love’s ancient rhyme,
To thy ears,
A sound sweetly sublime,
But now that love has gone and died,
These embers fade,
For the memories,
I alone have cried.

~Rei Shiori

You're gone

Can you see me from where you are?
Have you made friends with the stars?
Draped yourself across a cloud like you said you would,
Danced across the moon,
And done other things I can't do with you?
Why can't I see you anymore?
From where I am,
The clouds are dark and the stars are hiding with the moon,
I don't hear your voice anymore,
Even when I'm alone in my room.

~Rei Shiori

Ice cold soul

I watch the rain fall,
Trickling,
Prickling,
Behind my eyelids,
Sinking,
Weeping,
Where my heart is,
Freezing,
Leaving,
An ice cold soul.

~Rei Shiori

Your place

Who was I before I met you?
Who saved me from my emotional battlefield?
Were you there when I cried inside?
When was the last time you cared if I was alright?
Don't lie to me with that angel's face,
In my heart,
This is no longer your place.

~Rei Shiori

Cowardly king

When will your charade end,
Faithless one,
Cowardly king,
You who plays your one twisted game,
With one butterfly that is lame,
Like a spider watching,
In a tangled web,
Of lies, deceit,
And with chivalry dead,
Who is to point out your devious ways?
Who is to punish you,
For your mind games?
In a court of jesters and fools,
Who see not,
When you break the rules,
And believe your endless flattery.

~Rei Shiori

Wronged

Empty but for this mind,
This endless screaming thoughts,
That wind around my neck,
Choking, squeezing,
Every sane thought and word,
Into a twisted world,
Of malice and envy,
And revenge for what could have been,
Make of me a monster,
A witch, an evil queen,
What is justice to me?
I am wronged,
But I remain unseen.

~Rei Shiori

Quick night update

I have a serious cake obsession. Ever since I brought home those four pieces of cake, the obsession has grown. It's still growing. So what does a cake-mad person do? Tempt herself with more pictures and recipes of cakes from Sprinkle Bakes. Seriously, do not look unless you want to drool all over your poor unfortunate laptop/computer. I would actually post some pictures of the super drool-worthy desserts from her blog but I'm not quite sure if I'd be violating any blog world rules since I didn't ask. Better not to eh?

Didn't go shopping today but instead I pigged out on a lot of fried squid. Have I ever mentioned that I adore seafood? Crabs, soft shelled ones and squid especially. Salmon and cod. Yum. Scallops and oysters. Double yum. Ok enough, before I drive myself crazy with daydreams of seafood.

Back to sewing up my plushie. May or may not post a new poem later. It depends. If I can cook something up. Poem, not food.

Friday, 30 November 2012

Controlled

Here we are,
Played like puppets on a string,
A broken marionette,
A doll,
Dancing to the tune someone else sings.

~Rei Shiori

What you've done to me

I've given so much of myself away,
All I am left is an empty shell today,
Blank, vacant, heartless shape,
See what you've done to me,
See what your absence has made,
A cruel wrench and my heart divides,
Unforeseen circumstances,
Poisonous secrets that you hide.

~Rei Shiori

Sweeter than chocolate

DARK CHOCOLATE
The marshmallows bobbed around the spoon's edge as Leah twirled the ornate silver handle around in the huge, steaming mug of cocoa. The shop was quiet today, particularly so, since Lucian had taken the day off to be with Mai and Sam was in the kitchen instead of serving the customers. Andre was too shy to even mumble more than a few words after taking orders and so she was stuck. On her own. After three hours of lonely Christmas shopping. At least the view was pretty outside the glass window next to her seat. The bright red berries and green moss gave a Christmassy feel to the tiny cafe. She sighed as she returned to the open copy of the fashion magazine that lay on her table and the decadent chocolate cake topped with dark chocolate shavings that awaited her. No boyfriend, her best friends were busy with their work and she being the only freelance designer with plenty of time on her hands since she had finished all her orders before the Christmas season had started. Life was treating her well in every aspect except for her social life.
The cafe bell tinkled merrily as a gust cold air ruffled Leah's straight brunette hair and made her shiver despite the thick cream shawl she had wrapped around her neck. Someone new had come in. Leah peeked through the gold gauze curtains and looked around the shop's cozy interior for the newcomer. A man stood at the counter, his back to her. All she could see was the charcoal plaid coat he wore and his very red hair. Leah gave an involuntary giggle as she realized that his hair coordinated with Mii, the cafe's mascot's bow. They had tied a bell strung on a bow around her neck and she was currently begging to be scratched under the particularly annoying new accessory by the mystery man. He inclined his head to the kitten and obliged. The purring could be heard all the way from the counter to Leah's table.
Sam emerged from the back of the shop, his normally perfect hair plastered to his head and his forest green apron covered in flour. The two men talked briefly before disappearing to the back of the shop. When they emerged, mystery man was dressed exactly like Sam. A new waiter then, Leah mused. Perhaps the next few afternoons wouldn't be that lonely after all.

MILK CHOCOLATE
Today a small pile of melted snow from a shop roof decided to kiss her in the face. Leah cursed her bad luck as she made her way into the cafe, hoping that nobody would notice the bedraggled mess she was in shoulders upwards. She was struggling to take her wet coat off when suddenly the weight lifted and quiet voice saying "Let me help you with that, miss." Thinking Sam was the one who had helped her, she turned around with a ready smile and an explanation as to why she was leaving a wet mess on the cafe coat rack when the words died on her lips. The red haired waiter smiled in a rather bemused way at her sudden goldfish impersonation. "I'll be serving you today, miss. Sam is elbow deep in flour and eggs." he continued as he led her to her usual table. "I am Aaron, by the way." All Leah could do was mumble something incoherent as he rattled off the specials for the day and randomly point at something on the menu before he was gone. To fulfil her order presumably. She took out her sketchbook, which had miraculously survived the melted snow attack and flipped to a blank page. Inspiration had come. In the form of a red haired waiter with the greenest eyes she had ever seen.
A few minutes into her sketch, a shadow fell over her page. Aaron stood quietly by her side, a tray with what looked to be a Swedish Black Forest cake on a gilt edged plate. Whipped cream covered the whole confection and the cake itself was cupped between large slices of milk chocolate and dusted with cocoa powder. A hot mug of cocoa with extra marshmallows daintily perched on top of the foam and cream nestled next to the plate of cake with a warm towel curled around it carefully.
Aaron said nothing as Leah hastily flipped her sketchbook shut and pushed it to a corner. His eyes were unfathomable. Leah felt a little nervous. What if he didn’t like her sketching him? It was rather obvious actually, what with the red hair she had given the sketch and the same lanky grace to the posture. After he handed the warm towel to her, Aaron gave a short bow and retreated to the counter.
Leah sighed as the curtains fell back in place after his retreating back. She rubbed the towel over her hair and neck, relaxing as the hot cloth chased away the cold and returned some sort of life to her bedraggled hair. A slip of yellow paper fell out of the folds of the towel into her lap. She stared at it, a little confused, before picking it up between thumb and forefinger like a strange specimen. It unfolded to reveal a tiny but detailed sketch of her, complete with Mii curling around her legs. A scene from the day before. A warm fuzzy feeling that broke into a wide smile bloomed as bright as the rare winter sunlight that suddenly lit the whole cafĂ©. She had a feeling Aaron wouldn’t mind her sketch.

BITTERSWEET CHOCOLATE
Her customary mug of cocoa came with a yellow slip of paper attached to the handle with baker’s twine. Leah unfolded the paper as she tucked into the Death by Chocolate cake that sat in a river of chocolate and raspberry sauce on her blue and white china dessert plate. It showed her staring out the window into the street with a wistful expression on her face, her half-eaten cake on the table. Yesterday’s scene. She smiled and tucked it away in the pocket on the front cover of her custom made sketchbook. A scribble on the back of the paper made her stop in her attempt to push the paper in without creasing it. On the back of the sketch in elegant cursive, Aaron had signed his name and also left a message. Would you be here tomorrow as well? Tomorrow? Leah pursed her lips as she thought. Why was tomorrow so special? She checked her watch and made slightly amused sound. Christmas Eve. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve. She would come. Tearing out a fresh sheet from her sketchbook, she peered through the gold gauze curtain and watched as the same long-fingered artist’s hands that had sketched her held the dainty plates of macaroons and eclairs. She left her message under the rim of her plate.

WHITE CHOCOLATE
Leah wasn’t disappointed. In fact, she was pretty taken aback. Dozens of sketches of her in different poses and moods were clipped with small wooden pegs onto baker’s twine that had been stretched over the window frame next to her usual table, forming an inspiration board of sorts. Her mug of cocoa already awaited her, and a peculiar looking cake with striped chocolate pieces and white chocolate buttons arranged on the top. Drizzles of chocolate had partially covered the writing on a small plastic card placed alongside the cake but she made it out to be Seven Sins Chocolate cake. A pot of poinsettias was sitting in the middle of the table with a note stuck in between the velvety red blooms. Be back in a few minutes. Please enjoy. Leah sat down feeling a little in awe of the sketches. The cake was all but forgotten as she stared at them. All drawn over the span of three days. Aaron was quite the artist. A polite cough alerted her to his presence. She hadn’t even noticed him till then. His red hair had been tamed somewhat and up close it was less of a bright fiery red. It was darker, reddish brown actually, and his eyes were more emerald than forest green. His cheeks were red though and Leah pretended not to notice as he fumbled into his seat. A shy guy was rare in her opinion and she thought it was rather cute. “You did all these?” she asked while sipping her cocoa with hands that she hoped were not shaking. “Yeah, do you like them? Sorry I didn’t ask you beforehand, but I saw you drawing what looked like me and I thought perhaps you wouldn’t mind if I let you know that you made the most beautiful model an artist could hope for.”
“Ah, I didn’t. Mind that is.” Leah blurted out. He smiled and fingered the cuff of his white shirt. He had taken off the green apron. “I was wondering,” he paused, shook his head and continued in a stronger voice “I was hoping you’d be free tomorrow. I know it’s a little soon, but could we have dinner? Together, anywhere you choose.”
Leah could hardly believe her ears. Was he asking her out? On Christmas Day? To hell with her plans, she wasn’t going to let them stop her. “Yes. Definitely. Yup” she squeaked.

Picture from Google Images