It's been a month...

To be honest, I haven't actually felt the need to write here in a very long time. It's been months since I have actually felt that need and although I do feel bad about not posting, I'm happy because I can finally be happy without having to rely on writing out my feelings night after night through prose I can never speak during the day.

It's been more than a month now that I am actually happy almost every day.

That in itself is a miracle to me.

Looking back on my life, it's been 21 short years but that's probably almost a quarter or more than the actual lifespan I will ever have.

I'm happy to have met the people I have in my life now.

In just a few days, my perception of people and experiences have changed so drastically.
Come to think of it, I've actually come to believe I can belong somewhere.
The irony of life, I travel more than a hundred miles to find my home among people who were once strangers.
Strangers have become friends.
Friends have become family.
Not to say I don't appreciate my real family, but I am so very happy here where I am now.
Despite the stress, the workload, the hormones and the occasional shitty person, life is beautiful.

I wake up with a purpose.
I wake up because I WANT TO.
I haven't felt that in a long long time.

My ex finally unfriended me on Facebook and to be honest, I don't quite give a damn. In fact, I'm actually pretty happy about it and wondering why it took so long. My baggage is gone.
Another ex and I have finally had the closure we needed so long ago. Thank you for trying to fix what was so broken before, but I have forgiven a long time ago. I don't hate anymore. It's ok. We're ok.

The one I love cares for me, and I feel the same. Silence is no longer the awkward thing it once was in previous relationships. I understand, you understand. No words needed. Just know I love you, no matter what I may be feeling at that moment. I love you. Remember that.

My friends have changed but not been replaced. I love them all the same. I just happen to have more love going around now than before. Thank you to all of you who have made me feel I have somewhere I belong. Thank you for your expressions, for your humour, for the acceptance. Thank you for being there. For all the late night talks, the crazy walks, the messages I didn't expect to receive when I wasn't feeling well, the secret giggles we share, the parcels packed with so much care. I needed you all and I found you guys there. For that, I will always be grateful and no matter how far we will be someday, I will look back on these days and smile. Even as I write this, I'm actually tearing up with how happy I am. When I remember, I hope you remember me too someday down the road. Thank you for not leaving my side when I was being ostracized by people who hate me. You made me believe that not everyone is as bad as I thought they would always be.
Just remember I'll be there for you guys too when you may need me one day.
Lord, I'm such a sentimental sop today. But I'm thankful I have something to be sentimental about.

To everyone, you guys make my life wonderful. Thank you thank you thank you.

Earth and Air

Pinterest link

I happened to see this the other day and loved it. It's pretty funny though, since my boyfriend happens to be a Virgo (earth sign) and I'm an Aquarius (air sign, don't ask me why even though it's technically called the WATER-bearer) so this seemed to fit us very well. Sadly the boy is a very lazy person when it comes to reading, so the likelihood of him seeing this is probably nil? I suppose so. But it fits. And I love it. Therefore it shall go on my blog. OK, I'm crapping too much.

It's going to be our 1 year anniversary soon and I can't wait. :)

"I love you"s in the dark

Let's watch the stars tonight,
Even though it's raining outside,
We'll be here,
Gazing at them inside,
The memories we share,
I remember in the dark,
Even before your fingers touch my hair,
I remember when we said,
We'd never let go forever,
Oh we were so young then,
Stupid little lovers,
Wishing on the stars,
Light years away,
Hoping it'd come true,
All our dreams,
And the silent prayers,
We whispered in our hearts,
With our hands clasped in the dark,
Look at us now,
Back to where it started,
Back to us,
The two broken-hearted,
Sharing the scars,
That made us,
And of us become a part,
Still together in this weather,
Still whispering "I love you"s in the dark.

~Rei Shiori

Choose joy

Choose joy,
I remind myself,
As I stare at that flyaway hair,
That extra bit of muffin top,
That stubbornly just won't sit,
Out of sight,
Choose joy,
Instead of starving and feeling guilty,
Hiding it all and feeling ugly,
I dress to impress,
Who?
Nobody but myself,
Why should I care less,
About what they think?
Choose joy,
I tell myself,
As I savour every bite,
Every bit of laughter from the times,
We spend together,
Despite them saying we should wait,
Or maybe we shouldn't be together ever,
Choose joy,
I feel a little bit braver,
Because you make me laugh,
And life's ok just the way it is,
With all the crazy little quirks,
And stupid jinks,
Choose joy,
Because I want to live,
The best I can.

~Rei Shiori