Wednesday, 23 July 2014


Everyone looks for that girl to bring home,
Nothing unknown,
Dirty hands,
Stained hearts,
Do they not deserve love as well,
Without a backward glance,
You smile,
Yet condemn them,
To their personal hell,
Who are you to judge,
If I'm made right or wrong,
If my mistakes carve their story,
In my body,
And if I've given it all?
Would you accept me as I am?
If this was the truth,
Or would I become another one of "them",
If you can't forgive my past,
Perhaps it's a sign,
Maybe bridges need to burn,
Maybe memories need to fade,
Maybe we're not meant to last.

~Rei Shiori

Monday, 14 July 2014

Infinite masquerade

Welcome to the masquerade,
Where faces smile,
But hearts are dead,
Where princes and kings,
Hide toxic hearts,
And their ladies wield,
Their words like darts,
Dance with me,
Dance with me,
I promise I'll tear the veil,
Expose all this,
Glass facades,
Far behind the violin wails,
Shatter the fake memories,
But you cringe and I lick this sin,
I promise,
I promise,
But can you believe in me,
Through these cat-eye slits,
Through my masks,
My wings,
My eyes,
Shadowed things,
My feet velvet slippered paws,
No noise when I'm walking,
Hush, hush,
Close the curtained doors,
Let's just use these satin ropes,
I'm not done talking,
Let the lies flow,
Like crystals and champagne,
But what it's made off,
Oh we know, we know,
Blood red wine,
Now let my waist go,
And I'll dance real slow,
I promise,
I promise,
But things are not as they seem to be,
I'm sure you know,
Don't touch me so,
It burns and I don't want to be thrown,
Back into the light,
Give me back the night,
And this infinite masquerade,
Would you like a drink of me instead?

~Rei Shiori

I don't want to

I'm sorry.

I get scared when I think.

Because everyone till now has left.

Or I end up leaving when I realize it was all wrong from the start.

I don't want to play with you either.

In fact, I don't want to play at all.

But I'm afraid.

I don't want.

To be broken again.

Because you remind me so much of him.

And he was the one who hurt me most of all.

I don't want to go back to that time.


I don't want to feel again.

~Rei Shiori

Sunday, 13 July 2014


Don't fall for me. Please don't. Because I can't bear to explain why I'm this way and I can't bear to see if you'll walk away after you know it all. All the late nights crying, don't let them be for nothing, I don't want to drag you down with me even if it kills me to walk away and smile like I knew nothing.

Don't fall for me because I'm lonely, I'm hurt, I'm tired and I need you. I need you but I will push you away because I'm never good enough. I can pretend, I can try but I'm never good enough. And in the end you will see that, and you will leave me more broken than when you found me if you're like the rest of them.

Don't fall for me because I can't always be perfect. I will snap at you, I will get mad at you for small things, I will be depressed and you will see me crying and not letting you near me. If you can't stand that, then don't. I'm not pretending to get attention, I will really break down as I have before. And if you stay with me, you will witness it time and time again. I don't want to break you too. One damaged person is too many.

Don't fall for me, because you know what I expect and you know you will always be different from that list I have in my head. And if you read this and walk away, I will understand. I'm not easy to deal with and my dark days are always there threatening me.

Don't make me fall for you if you're only going to prolong the agony.Don't make me fall for you if you can't love me the way I need to be loved. Don't fall for me if you can't fight for me and you can't stay.

I can't afford to put up this mask anymore. The one they think is the happiest of all is the one with the most things to hide.

I'm at my limit today.


What did I do to you,
That you view me this way,
I'm no longer that,
Pure little girl,
I once was,
I threw it all away,
You don't see,
How can you,
When I'm afraid to reveal,
All the demons inside,
Would you still think,
Perfection can be real?

~Rei Shiori

Sunday, 6 July 2014

Don't get addicted

Don't get too addicted,
To something that can never be,
When it leaves,
It leaves you broken,
With wounds that scar over,
Or remain raw,

~Rei Shiori

Soooo....just a little warning a.k.a post-mortem of Relationship No. 4

A relationship is a very serious matter. As I grow older and hopefully am on my way to becoming more matured, I start to realize all the false starts I keep making when it comes to this issue. So I will try to change what I learned should be changed, and strengthen what should never have been broken down by the boys who I left and who left me in the first place. 

First of all, I’m like one of those cute puppies and kittens who will probably outgrow their cuteness with time but I will maintain my loyalty to you as long as I still respect and love you. One day, you will turn to me and realize that this girl is no longer that same sweet, constantly carefree creature you met. I will have bad days, and boy will they be like hell on earth for you. I’ll admit that much. My mood swings can rival a rollercoaster on some days and yes it is my fault. But just like those cute puppies and kittens, give me a chance and understand that we’re both going to go through a lot in life and with each other. Also please understand that there's always, always and underlying factor as to why I'm behaving the way I do (hint: I'm fine doesn't always really mean I'm fine, it's more like you're so going to pay for this somewhere down the line but I won't tell you just yet because I'm evil). I’ll change, you’ll change. Everything as we know it will be different hours, days and if we’re lucky (or not) years from now. But hey, that’s the risk in this isn’t it? 

When you date me, know this: I will never change my religion, or that of my future children for you or your family, selfish as it may sound. I will change my name, my work, my home even, but ask me to give that up and you’re picking a fight you cannot win. It’s either you lose that idea or you lose ‘us’. I will not ask you to give up yours either. Compromise, I’m a child born to parents with different religions and I can tell you I’ll tolerate almost any religion and even come to love it. But I will never NEVER change mine and my children will definitely be Catholics. So yeah, even as a warning to anyone who (fortunately or unfortunately) may try to date me in the future, please don’t even try to get me to change my mind, you’re just looking for hell. 

I’ve been through a lot as well, but I wouldn’t say it was anything major. Compared to the other problems in the world, mine probably rates as 3 out of 10 in terms of being life-changing. The worst is that I’ve been depressed; down so low I’d hurt myself to remind me I’m alive and degrading myself so much I starved myself to make me into what people call pretty. I will always have anxiety attacks, be paranoid for no reason and occasionally even cry at the slightest thing. But on the days I’m sunny, I’ll be that chirpy that you might eventually wish I’d shut up. And I will love with all my heart just because I’m passionate and that’s the way I am.

I’ll love every furry animal I can get my hands on, especially if it’s a cat or dog. Or just about anything fluffy. So if you hate animals or cats or dogs in particular, don’t tell me. Just back away slowly and no one gets hurt. I will not tolerate and comments on killing an animal even if it’s a joke. I’ve had someone who thought it was funny to say such things. Needless to say, I was and still am pissed at such a brainless twat and wondering how I could’ve withstood that for so long. 

Disagree with me if you must, heck, disagree with me if I’m wrong and even if I put up a fight because sometimes I’m too blind to see I’m wrong. But if I’m right and you argue with me just for the sake of your ego, if you put me or my friends down to make yourself seem better then disguise your words as ‘honesty’ I have a few choice words for you. Go to hell. I won’t take shit from guys like that anymore and that’s that. You have your pride, but I have my dignity. 

Oh and my friends? They’re on the same rank as you are and you best remember that because while I might run the risk of losing a boyfriend, my friends tend to stick around and support me even during those times my exes would’ve turned tail and run. Also they don’t judge me as several exes have constantly done over the years. Get along with them, it’ll be good for both of us but more so because we’re like this: we always support our own. Call it pack mentality if you will, but I call it friendship.

Last but not least, if you decide to insult me, take a mirror and wait your turn, buddy. I ain’t got time for that.

Saturday, 5 July 2014

Tick tock

Tick tock,
Tick tock,
Till the time is right,
Unsure if it's a time bomb,
Or a clock that signals,
The end of my life,
These three words,
Will I smile or cry?
Too soon,
Too fast,
I can't decide.

~Rei Shiori