I haven't met you yet and this may seem a little odd, but there are so many things I want to say and do with you. And also many things I have to explain to you. I can't wait to meet you and love you. You see, I've been waiting for quite a while. It seems funny when I say that, doesn't it? I'm not so very old but when one waits for love, it seems like forever before it comes. It's just that way with me.
I'm sorry if I come off a little bitter, a little broken, and that I seem like a lot of work. I have been hurt before and I'm trying very hard to put the past behind me. Still, sometimes no matter how hard I try, it comes back and taps me on the shoulder once in a while. So forgive me if I come off looking insecure, needy and clingy. I've been abandoned before and I've been hurt badly before. I am afraid you'll do it to me too. It's not a matter of whether I trust you or not. I love you and I trust you. I want to be able to enjoy what we have and not worry about anything anymore. But I just cannot help being scared when I think of what may happen. The future is never certain and I don't want to lose you, so it makes me terrified when I think about it.
Forgive me too if I get jealous sometimes. It makes me jealous when you spend more time with your games and don't talk to me. It makes me jealous when you talk to that girl who so obviously thinks I don't deserve you. I don't want to hate her but my jealousy gets in the way. I'm not perfect and I never will be. The thought that you'll find someone else better than me, prettier than me...it makes me so very jealous, and also very sad. Every time I see you with another girl, I'll always be wondering if you see her the way I do. Does her tiny waist impress you? Are her features closer to perfection than mine? Is she sweeter and more loving than I am?
I probably sound like a crazy, clingy weirdo by now don't I? That's how it looks like to most guys. Even so, I promise you that when I love you, I'll love you with all my heart. It sounds cheesy but I really do. I hold love and loyalty and faithfulness above all else. I will never go behind your back and lie to you or cheat on you. I won't look for anyone else as long as I have you by my side and that's a promise I intend to keep forever.
I want to hold hands with you when we're together and hug you often. Is that ok? I'd love to give you surprises every once in a while too, and no, I don't count as a surprise. You see me often enough for me to not be a surprise anymore right? I meant that every once in a while, I'll sneak in quick little kisses. I don't know if you'd like that or not though....is it alright? Would it annoy you? I'd love to look into your eyes, really look and not just when having creepy staring contests, and know that I'm safe with you. I want to look like you and feel like I'm home.
I'd love to go to the beach with you, just the both of us, watching the sunset or the sunrise, I really don't care which as long as it's with you. I want to watch you sleeping and trace the curve of your mouth, your eyebrows, your cheekbones. I hope this doesn't sound freaky. I want to be close to you. Close enough to feel you heartbeat when I lie on your chest with your arm curled around my waist. Let's listen to the rain together while we cuddle on the couch or on the bed. I want to take silly pictures with you and hang them up so we'll remember all the memories. I want to write poems and notes to you. Letters even. Just like this one, only on a sweeter note. Do all the silly things couples in love do, celebrate anniversaries and special days with you.
Let's go people watching together and laugh over the silly fashions we see in the malls. I'll stuff you with your favourite food when we go out together so you'll never get hungry. I'll take care of you when you're sick, I can't say I'll do a better job than your mother but I'll be so damn close that you won't be able to complain. Sing with me when I'm humming along to a song. I don't mind if you sound off-key. I'm not asking you to sing or play for me, but if you do that it's awesome too. Write letters if you can. Cards are ok too. You don't have to get me expensive things, I can buy them on my own. I appreciate small things, small gestures that show you love me and remember what I like. I want something to remember in the future when we're old. I want to read a letter from you, in your handwriting, with your scent on it, and know that you love me.
You don't have to protect me all the time. I'm not a helpless damsel in distress. I can fend for myself. All I need is for you to be there. Be my strength. Be my support. Be my fortress that I run to when I fall and need to heal. Be there. I need you. Don't turn away when I'm crying. I'll only ever do that if I trust you enough to let you know I am hurt and I'm vulnerable. I will not laugh if you cry either, I promise. I won't think of you as any less of a man if you cry. Just tell me what I can do to make it ok and I will try.
Share your problems with me. Even if I can't do anything about them, I'll distract you from the big bad world and make you laugh about it. If I can't make you laugh, I'll hold you till the shitstorm blows over. Call me anytime you need me. I told my friends I'd kill whoever calls me when I'm sleeping but that's just a joke. If you really need me at that very moment, even if it's a God-forsaken hour of the night or morning, call me, love. I will pick up and sleepy as I am, I will try to stay awake even if it means pinching the crap out of myself to keep awake. Let me be the one to kiss you when you wake up after a nap, mussed up hair or no. I really don't care how silly you think you look when you're sleeping. It's alright really.
If we do fight, please don't run away from it. Face the problem together. It's the only way we can deal with it and grow stronger together instead of drifting apart. Don't leave like that. Someone did it to me once and while I was thinking he was a coward all the while, I still had feelings for him nonetheless. Until he showed me how much of a jerk AND a coward he was. Then every fiber of me disliked him ever since then. It hurt me but I learned from it. Facing the problem is always better. Rant and rave if you must, but please face the problem with me. Tell me what you feel and I will do the same too. Let's make it work because I love you and I want us to last. Don't give up on us so easily. Don't just throw away everything that we have. I love you. So don't give up on us ok?
Oh and just so you know, look at the picture right below this.
P.S. This is going to sound really childish and corny by the time you read it but know this, I wrote it a long time ago while waiting for you to come into my life. I'm not very patient, so come as quick as you can alright? I'll be waiting.
Lots of love and kisses,
Yours truly, me
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