Where do I go from here....?

Fireworks going of outside my window every few seconds and I'm almost bonkers by now. I hate it. Makes me so jumpy. So here's to another late night up, scribbling and thinking and being hungry. Hmm...my old English teacher would've murdered me for typing two 'and's in one sentence. But it doesn't matter. It's my blog, not an English essay.
It's been less than a month (about say, two weeks?) and 57 posts later, I still don't know where this blog is heading to. It's like a diary but not quite there, a compilation of poems and random excerpts but also punctuated with rants and the occasional shopping loot post.
So where am I heading to? Neither here nor there, it's like a blog limbo. And probably boring as hell to most people. I don't write 24/7 and although I do have a huge collection of stuff I've already written I just don't quite feel like putting it all out in public. You never know when some inconsiderate, plagiarizing, sneaky liar is going to claim something as his/her own. I'm not taking that risk with the rest of the poems even if I am dying to share those.
Besides, who wants to read about someone else ranting about something that doesn't concern them and probably never will.
I'm not a girly girl. The closest I come to being that is when I go crazy over cute things and nail polish.
I don't camwhore and take dozens of shots of myself.
My camera skills suck as far as I know.
Really, where am I heading with this? I don't want this blog to be another halfway project that will eventually be abandoned. That's partly the reason why I force myself to write a little bit every day. Never mind if I myself don't like what I write. I can't stop writing because it's all I have at the moment. It's all that keeping me sane on the surface. I've been telling myself it's fine and it takes time to build myself back to normal. But to be honest, I'm still everywhere. I'm still shattered. Still in pieces and drifting. Not because of the relationship issues I had earlier but I just feel like I don't know where I'm going. There is no set path. No certainty and nothing to cling to. I feel lost. And more than a little worthless.
Where do I go from here?
What am I worth?
If I died tomorrow, would anybody notice?
Would anyone miss me?
Would anyone care?

Tonight's one of those nights,
I go to bed hating myself,
Berating myself,
Degrading myself,
I'll never be better than what I am,
I never get people,
I'll never understand,
I'll be the one standing outside,
Alone,
I'll be the one with the heart of broken stone,
I'll be the one in the shadows at night,
That stupid emo kid,
Who cries out of sight,
But is ok when it's daylight,
And nobody will ever see,
That's I'm not ok,
I'm not me,
What's fine is my body,
But inside,
The pain is killing me.

~Rei Shiori